HAVE YOUR SAY
Tell us what you think about abuse in relationships
If you've got something you'd like to talk about regarding any kind of relationship abuse, come and Have Your Say on our message board.
The chances are you'll be able to talk with someone who's gone through similar experiences to your own.
Seen the ads? What do you think?
-
Is controlling who a partner sees or speaks to abuse?
-
-
-
-
Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.
-
Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.
-
Is putting pressure on someone to have sex abuse?
-
Is bullying, controlling and putting a partner down abuse?
-
Is insulting and threatening a partner with violence abuse?
TELL US WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If you've got something to say about abuse in relationships then you'll need to accept our terms before you can take part - please see our rules on the right side of the page. You can then enter your comments below or under any video you want to talk about.
MysteryGirl
26/01/2013
I remembered when I first started going on with my boyfriend when I was 15 (now 18) and we broke up because he liked someone else, Then after a while we got back together and everything was fine but then he wanted to have sex at first I agreed because I thought I was ready but then when it came to it I told him sorry no I'm not ready he got angry and chucked me out, so I phoned my close friend telling him what just happened and he came and calmed me down. We didn't speak for a while after that so I felt quite guilty and decided and wanted to make things right so I met up with him and he got really angry and full forced slapped me across the face and started screaming at me. (I'm terrified of loud noises) so I sat there with tears streaming down my face. I felt like I deserved it and again I had told my close friend everything. ( We have one of these don't tell me if you don't want my best friend to know relationships) I was constantly making excuses for him saying how it was my fault and I deserved it.
My friend told me to leave him after much protest I phoned him trying to break up with him probably not the best idea but my friend was beside me this whole time and then my boyfriend started accusing me of having sex with this friend because I was with him all the time which we weren't and told me that if I didn't stay with him then he would kill himself and he is still continually in and out of hospital for attempted suicide. I felt it was all too much for my friend so I stopped telling him everything that was going on and just told him we broke up.
I started seeing my friends less and less till it got to the point where I wouldn't leave my house and he would still accuse me of things that never happened and always scream at me as I said I'm scared of loud noises so I would try and walk away but he would always hold my jaw with force making me look at him. I managed to end it for a while again...
But then he just made me feel useless that I wasn't going to be good enough for anyone else and that he was the only person that was ever going to love me and I believe him still to be honest. But after that he got really controlling he started reading my text and saw that I was telling my friend everything that was happening and got really angry and started texting my friends saying not to talk to me and if I wouldn't do something he was just always throw something or hit me and I just accept it.
As a lease I started to self harm myself and that was the only thing I felt could help me escape but at a party yesterday my close friend was there and my boyfriend and my close friend took my outside to talk to me private but saw my boyfriend kept staring at us watching us but he saw my scars and wanted to ask about that so I made an excuse which I hate because I hate lying to this friend after everything we went through together and I told him the the abuse had stopped but he said to me " Well I don't trust him until he proves himself trustworthy, If you trust him and want me to then I will but I know how guys think and the fact that he's watching you like a hawk tells me differently" But because of this I have lost so many friends because he doesn't like me hanging around with them. It may be too late for me but it should be different from everyone else as hypocritical as it seems Don't make excuses for your partner leave them!
MysteryGirl - 26/01/2013
ReplyHi Mystery Girl,
Thanks for your post and we're really sorry to hear about these horrific incidents.
People invest a lot of trust into the relationships they form and if this trust is abused it can leave them doubting all relationships, past, present and future. Your friend was right to encourage you to leave your boyfriend, and it's good that you have and that you've got your friend's support.
It can be very hard deciding to leave a relationship, no matter what’s happened. And it can be even harder for someone who has experienced relationship abuse like you have. You know it's important to leave the relationship safely, so it’s really vital that you talk to someone about what you’re planning to do and try not to end the relationship when you are on your own with your partner. Remember, you deserve to be safe and there is help and support available. You can find more information and a safety plan here:http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/59-difficult-to-leave.html.
Staying in a relationship where you are being emotionally and physically abused could cause you to lose your self-esteem and confidence. An abusive, violent or controlling relationship is not normal or acceptable; nobody needs to tolerate this behaviour. Your boyfriend was getting violent, trying to control you and making you do things you didn't want to do.
A lot of people who have experienced all kinds of abuse will blame themselves. However, the responsibility lies solely with the abuser, never with you. This can be hard to get your head around, as can still loving that person. Again, that is also completely normal and many people are torn between loving the person and hating their behaviour. Just because the abuse went on for a long time, does not mean you were complicit in this.
Please remember, you have nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about.
You need to try and find someone you trust to talk to. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and you feel you can trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
If you're under 18 you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Or if you're over 18 you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).
Rhiannon
26/01/2013
This website is very useful. I especially liked the option to choose between the two different endings. I think this will help me if I am ever in a situation of rape. Thanks
Rhiannon - 26/01/2013
ReplyHi Rhiannon,
Thanks for your message, we're happy you support our campaign and you feel that its helped improve your understanding of what is and isn’t acceptable sexual behaviour.
Abby
26/01/2013
This incident happened 2 years ago now when I had just turned 17, the boy was 16. We were at a friends birthday at his house when this boy was being sick so I helped him out he was trying to hug me and being too friendly. I left him in the end and went downstairs. The next day he text saying he would of tried it on with me if people would have stopped coming up. I didn't believe it was him but he popped up on Facebook to prove it. I told him to stop it as at the time his girlfriend was my best friend. I told my boyfriend but he didn't want to believe it.
The next weekend we all went to this boys house thinking. One minute I was fine and the next I was out of it I can only remember flashbacks of that night. I went upstairs and I remember the boy being in the room with me. I was trying to sleep when he crouched down beside me and said "shhhh don't tell anyone" I didn't know what he was on about so I fell asleep. The next day I woke up with a love bite on my neck and a hangover. I knew something was wrong.
I went home and was contacted my the boys girlfriend saying I had kissed another boy. I had no recollection of it at all and I was devastated as I have a boyfriend I told him straight away. I ended up telling my friend about her boyfriends behaviour the previous weekend and the texts but she didn't believe me.
Things slowly went back to normal but last night the truth came out. The boy who I had kissed the night suddenly came out with "just because you were raped by ....." I told him to not say such a thing and took him to one side. He went all serious and told me he had something to tell me and he got teary eyed. He has a confession about that night. After he had put all the pieces together he told me the other boy came down from his room and said "don't worry mate you're not alone I fingered her" my stomach turned and I burst into tears. I cannot remember anything but flashbacks. I feel dirty and I don't know what to do? Is this sexual assault?
What do I do now? It's too late isn't it?
Abby - 26/01/2013
ReplyHi Abby,
Thanks very much for your post.
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is totally unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this. We think it's important for you to understand about consent, have a lookhere - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult/consent
And if someone is under the influence of alcohol and is forced or pressured to have sex, it’s still rape. Drugs and alcohol are never the cause of rape or sexual assault. It is the attacker who commits the crime, not the drugs and/or alcohol. If you can't remember the detail but as you say woke up with evidence that someone had done something to you without your consent, it looks like a form of sexual assault and that's not ok, you're obviously upset about this incident and the consequences so we think it's a very good idea if you try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.
If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
Jamie
25/01/2013
My boyfriend said he'd kill me if I didn't have sex with his friend so that he could get money is this rape?
Jamie - 25/01/2013
ReplyHi Jamie,
Thanks for your post.
To be clear, being forced, pressured or blackmailed into having sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime.
Most people aren’t in abusive relationships, but as you can see from the stories, it can happen, so it’s important to be aware of what abuse looks like. The Spot the Signs page includes behaviours that may mean you’re in an abusive relationship: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse. If your boyfriend is threatening to kill you or pimp you out, that is abuse and you need to tell someone.
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. If you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there. You don't have anything to be ashamed about.
You can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).
Depending what age you are you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
Luxe
24/01/2013
I've been sexually assaulted in the past and I just have to say that if there is anyone looking at this website hoping to find out what it's like to be sexually assaulted well here's your answer. It kills you. When it was happening all I felt was intimidation and absolute fear. All I felt for a long time was ashamed and afraid for my life. I tried to kill myself about a year after it first happened. I've been sexually assaulted since then too and the worst thing is that the second guy is now in a relationship with one of my best friends and I'm afraid for her. She says he's not like that but I'm still scared for her. I can't even look a guy in the eye. Whenever I'm in a confined space, e.g. an elevator, alone and a man comes in I'm terrified of what he could do to me. Statistics mean nothing when it's happened to you. Even though the statistics say it's most likely people close to you and not strangers that will attack you in this way you don't believe it. I'm too afraid to be in a relationship and I'm too afraid of telling anyone. The only reason I told my best friend is because she's dating one of the guys that did this to me. I managed to repress the memories for a while but they came back. When I'd repressed the memory I wasn't too afraid to be in a relationship but now... Now I'm lonely and single but far too afraid of being used like this again. Nobody should be put through this. I know it wasn't my fault but many people don't think the same way.
Luxe - 24/01/2013
ReplyHi Luxe,
Thanks very much for posting on our site.
We are so very sorry to hear about these horrible incidents from your past. Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is totally unacceptable, and it's good you understand that this was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
Have you spoken to somone you trust about your experiences? We think it is very important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
Have you spotted some of the warning signs of abuse in your friend’s relationship? They may need professional help and your encouragement and support to help to stop it if so; keep telling your friend you are worried about them and let them know that any abuse that may have taken place is not their fault, it’s unacceptable and that support is available. Don't ignore the issue if you think it is happening. When you try to talk to them, try not to make them feel judged as you know it takes courage to admit abuse. Encourage them to talk to a trusted adult, as you should do about your experiences, and if their partner has been violent or forced them to have sex, encourage them to talk to the police. You shouldn’t confront their partner on your own and neither should your friend.
If you or your friend want to speak to someone in confidence, encourage them to contact the 24 hour, National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247.
Victim Support will be able to offer you confidential and anyonymous support and information too, visit http://www.victimsupport.org.uk/Contact-us to find your nearest centre or contact the Supportline on 0845 30 30 900. If you want to hide your number, press 141 before dialing. Normal opening hours for the Supportline are 9am – 9pm Mondays to Fridays, 9am – 7pm weekends and 9am – 5pm bank holidays.
You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
The Samaritans may also be able to help, take a look at their website at http://www.samaritans.org.uk/ or email jo@samaritans.co.uk. You can also call the Samaritans helpline on 08457 909090.
daisy
24/01/2013
I passed out during consensual sex with a friend. I woke up briefly and he had turned me over, I was lying face down and we were having anal sex. I was drunk but I know I didn't consent; partly because I wasn't awake at the beginning and also because a lot of time had elapsed (it was about 2am when we started having sex, and it was getting light outside when I woke up). This was in March last year, and I haven't told anybody other than a few close friends. More than anything I would like to report it to the police but I have no evidence.
daisy - 24/01/2013
ReplyHi Daisy,
Thanks for your message. Yes you need to tell a trusted adult.
To be clear: rape is when a man forces his penis into the mouth, anus or vagina of another person when that person doesn't want him to do so; the law calls this 'without consent'. If you didn't give your friend consent for anal sex, whether you passed out or not you were still forced into having sex when you didn't want to - that is rape and it is a crime. Please understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
If someone is under the influence of alcohol and is forced or pressured to have sex, it’s still rape. Drugs and alcohol are never the cause of rape or sexual assault. It is the attacker who commits the crime, not the drugs and/or alcohol.
No matter how long ago this happened please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
It's great you want to speak up and involve the police; reporting this might seem like a big deal and if you are worried about their reaction, you might find it helpful to talk to an expert who can tell you more about the process and what to expect. You can find details of suitable organisations on the Need Help page of our site - http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/need-help. If you do decide to report it, most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
verity
24/01/2013
I have this boy who likes me but I dont and he is 24 nd I am 12 it is disgusting and once he tried to rape me and after it happened I felt sticky and disgusting
verity - 24/01/2013
ReplyHi verity,
Thanks for your post.
We are really sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past. Have you spoken to someone about your experience? We think it is very important that even though this may have happened some time ago, you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.
It's important to be aware that sex with any girl/boy under 16 is unlawful, including oral. It doesn't make any difference if permission (consent) is given or not, if you're under 16 sex is illegal.
Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape and it is a crime? Please understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this. If this has happened to you no matter how long ago please try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
kittykitty
22/01/2013
thankyou.
i think it is highly important that people see this video.
people will complain saying it is graphic etc but assault isn't ever going to be a pleasant experience and it is about time that people
open up their eyes and their ears to the realities of what sexual assault really is.
society usually assume that rape/sexual assault could just be a stranger and a random attack.
NO.
also to clear this up
rape can be
anally and orally as well as vaginal penetration.
UNCONSENTED SEX/SEX ACTS ARE RAPE/SEXUAL ABUSE.
this doesnt matter if its a partner, a friend, teacher, family member, male or female. etc etc it applies to all.
i don't wish to share any experience of my own but i just want to say that
my heart goes out to all of you when i say this and i want you to listen close.
IT ISN'T YOUR FAULT & YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME.
<3
kittykitty - 22/01/2013
Replymaria
21/01/2013
am scared !!! i dont eva wanna get raped
maria - 21/01/2013
ReplyDon't worry I'm sure you won't be :)
Stevie - 26/01/2013
Aaron
21/01/2013
I really need help. I am getting sexually abused everyday, what should I do?
Aaron - 21/01/2013
ReplyHi Aaron,
Thanks for your post.
You're aware that being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable.
You need to talk to someone as soon as possible; if you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to it's very important to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.
If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
Ginny
21/01/2013
I like reading through an article that can make men and women think. Also, many thanks for allowing for me to comment!
Ginny - 21/01/2013
ReplyHi Ginny,
Thanks for your support; we're glad our campaign and website is sparking discussion and encouraging people to seek more information.
Belle
20/01/2013
I was 14 years old, and he was my first love. Which makes this ten times more crule. I was in high school and had a lot of friends, when i met him he was lovely! Always buying me little things, surprise turn up's at my door! The first time it ever happened was 3 months into the relationship. He was checking my phone and saw a male friend had texted me a lot recently.
He took out the sim card and snapped it. He pushed me onto my bed which made me hit my head on the wall, I burst out crying and he instantly shouted at me to "Shut up"
The next day, he turned up at my school and handed me a different simcard to put in my phone he said to me "It's hooked up to my computor i can see every text you recieve, every text you send and every time you make a call" I didn't know if that was ever true or not.
Not long after that he asked me to stop seeing my friends as often, which really hurt me. They didn't understand and i didnt expect them too either. I didn't stop seeing my best friend though.
Every other time we argued he would slap me, push me up against walls and grab my throat and threaten to kick me out on the streets while i was in my underwear with none of my clothes.
Not long after that, he raped me. I didn't try fighting because i was way to scared and shocked more then anything. I was still at school and went to see the school counsiller, as i saw her almost every day for chats. I never told her about the rape or the abuse. A few months later i noticed my periods hadn't been. I took a pregnancy test with my counsiller, as soon as it came back positive i screamed and cried my eyes out for hours. I couldn't go back to class, and had to face telling him over the phone. He came through later that night. And was telling me i would be a terrible mother, He would refuse to help with the baby and i should have a termination and that's the only way he would love me again. We were slowly deciding things between us. I told my mum, and she held me and told me she would support me, but we didn't have the money. At all. He decided we should name the baby, which was immature and stupid because now that name haunts me.
A year into the relationship i was staying at his house one night, i was lying on my tummy face down in front of the TV, we had just had a massive argument for no reason. So i was angry and giving him the silent treatment.
Next thing i know he had picked me up by the back of my trousers and threw me onto the floor. I couldn't move i was that shaken in fear and held on to my tummy, i stumbled until i stood and backed away instantly looking for my phone for help, he grabbed my phone threw it at a wall and smashed it. He then picked me up and threw me across a room. I dont know how i only got a few bumps and bruises, and knew from then on i couldn't have a child with this man, because he would be a danger.
To this day, i regret having that termination. I only had her for a few weeks but i had a bond with her. He was suppose to turn up for support, but he was out at a fair with this other girl he later broke up with me for. My mum and dad was there instead holding my hand.
We eventually broke up for good about a year and 3 months ago.
I've had further counselling, after i finished High school at a youth centre, but my councillor moved away due to budget cuts and ive recently started crying about her and all the bad memories again. Im starting to find it difficult again. I don't know where to turn this time.
Belle - 20/01/2013
Replyhey belle,
your post really touched me because i went through a slightly similar (but not half as awful) experience when i was 13. he was my first 'boyfriend' and he was 16, he was very lovely and first and always gave me compliments etc, but i told him i didn't want sex, only a month into the relationship he raped me, i was too scared to stop it because i thought that i was being stupid and that i had to let it happen. i was convinced i was pregnant but luckily it turned out i was not. i so hope you get the help you need and you can move on with your life x
Jenni - 29/01/2013
Hi Belle,
Thanks for your post. We're very sorry to hear about your abusive relationship. The Spot the Signs page has more information on abusive relationships: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse - take a look for more information.
It does not matter if you are in a relationship with someone or if they are a stranger. When someone makes you have sex and you do not want to do, it means you are not consenting and it is rape and it is a crime. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
Try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Victim Support offer confidential support and guidance, you can find your nearest centre via their website http://www.victimsupport.org.uk/Contact-us or alternatively you can call their Supportline on 0845 30 30 900. If you want to hide your number, press 141 before dialing the number and they are open 9am – 9pm Mondays to Fridays, 9am – 7pm weekends and 9am – 5pm bank holidays.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.
You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
vinayak
19/01/2013
Rape is obscenity.It totally depends on an individual or individuals upbringing and ethics.
However some people watch rape sequence just for fantasy or educate themself of what pain a women goes through before and after.
vinayak - 19/01/2013
ReplyLuce
19/01/2013
My boyfriend has become very possessive over me and hates me talking to any other boys, he's deleted boys off my phone and has told me to stop talking to some of his friends. When I ask him why he is doing it he just says "every guy is like that" and I feel very bad about doing it- he always turns it round on me and asks how I would feel.
If I go out and he's not with me, he wants to know who I'm with and what I'm doing, he even told me to go home. He controls what I wear.
Tonight he snapped, we were arguing over something pathetic and he got so angry he pinned me down on the bed and started shouting at me, he later grabbed me and threw me on the bed and I hit my head. After this we argued again and he shook me violently, I have never ever felt scared around him, but tonight I was.
Luce - 19/01/2013
ReplyHi Luce,
Thanks for your post.
From what you have described these look like signs of abuse - visit http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/am-i-abusive/view/spot-the-signs - for more information.
If you are suffering from emotional abuse, which can include someone putting you down, or calling you nasty names, trying to control you and stopping you doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do, it is important to find someone you trust to talk to.
Staying in a relationship where you are being emotionally and/or physically abused could cause you to lose your self-esteem and confidence. An abusive, violent or controlling relationship is not normal or acceptable; nobody needs to tolerate this behaviour and if the bullying is making you worried you need to speak to a trusted adult. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and you feel you can trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can talk to Childline in confidence on 0800 11 11 or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).
zoe
19/01/2013
Ive been talking to this boy on facebook and hes now my boyfriend.
He says if dont let his friend touch me he wont talk to me ever again hes tryed forcing me for sex i dont know what to do
zoe - 19/01/2013
ReplyHi Zoe,
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is totally unacceptable.
If you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.
If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.
that is wrong.
you DO NOT. have to do anything you do not want to. this boy clearly has no respect for you if he is treating you this way.
being pressured or forced into sex/ sexual contact etc is wrong.
stay strong and say no and walk away. you will find a man who respects you. <3
kitty - 22/01/2013