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This is ABUSE

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Results: 225 - 240 of 2086

  • Anonymous

    22/02/2014

    Hi, I was in an abusive relationship about 5 years ago now, he was 3 years older than me and a lot more experienced since he was my first adult relationship. I've had counseling and even managed to talk to my parents about it but I don't think I've ever got over it. I was in highschool so as soon as it ended pretty much I ignored it didn't even register it as abuse until later. I had problems with stress before this relationship but after was diagnosed with PTSD. I've noticed from reading some of the comments below a lot of girls seem to feel somewhat responsible for what happened and blame themselves, I feel like this a lot of the time and it has ruined relationships since then as it makes me not feel worthy. It broke the idea I had of myself as a strong person as I never stood up for myself and let it happen time and time again. While the counseling helped now I've started a new relationship after having single to sort myself out, I've found those feelings of unworthiness creeping up on me; like if I told him about it he wouldn't think I was good enough any more. I know that is totally my own irrational thought and nothing to do with the guy I'm seeing, just wondered if you had any advice to dealing with those feelings? Also I wanted to say that I think you're doing a wonderful thing.

    Anonymous - 22/02/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Anonymous,
      Thank you so much for your message and your support. I can hear that you worked really hard to get yourself into the position you are in now. That took real strength and the message you have left here will be really inspiring for other people reading.
      You say that now you are in a relationship again you can recognise the feelings of unworthiness coming back. That’s really hard for you and it’s something you may want to address with a counsellor. If you have stopped seeing the one you had before you can have a look on this website for specialist domestic abuse counsellors in your area.
      www. womensaid.org.uk
      You can also call the national helpline on 0808 2000 247 to discuss any emotions you have around the abuse you suffered.
      Thank you again for your support and sharing your story.
      Take care,
      Becca

      This is Abuse team 24/02/2014

  • Will

    22/02/2014

    Hello...I don't like to think of this as abuse as I love my partner but - she seems to think I'm "clocking" (her words) a woman who may be passing, walking, coming into the shop and speaking with me, at the airport, at the bar.
    I'm now on finite edge watching her to be sure I'm looking at her rather than anywhere else.
    I dod not look at anyone particular, I do glance at anyone at any given time, as in the peripheral vision, I see movement.
    Lately the PC buzzes as if as SMS is coming through....I've checked this and it is the PC board connecting but she belives I'm texting.
    I despenced of my mobile 3 years ago, finished with FB and friends on there because she thought I was chatting with them.
    I had a lot of business contacts who 'friended' me.
    We had a situation last year when we were dancing within our shop front area - a neighbour came over and told me I was an incredible dancer - while my partner was with me of course and unfortunately looked at me!
    ...this caused a problem as now the lady is the centre of dislike! (not from me)
    I'm 60 btw and my partner is 55!
    How do we handle this?
    As a footnote: my partner actually says it's me that's making her feel insecure.
    Of course unless you know me, you can't really pass judgement but I am totally with her and love her and tell her this - often .

    Will - 22/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Will,
      Thank you for your message. I can hear that you are finding your partners jealousy quite difficult to deal with and it is making you feel on edge all of the time. It sounds like you have tried to discuss this with her and she has not been receptive.

      A lot of the behaviours that you describe in your message are emotionally abusive. Is here anyone in your life you could discuss this with? If not the men’s advice line are a great service that are open 9-5 weekdays. You can reach them on 0808 801 0327, it’s confidential helpline that works with men in abusive relationships.

      You may want to a look at this resource as well, and if you felt it appropriate discuss it with your partner.

      http://www.respect.uk.net/data/files/managing_jealousy_leaflet.pdf

      Take care,
      Becca


      This is Abuse team 24/02/2014

  • Emma

    22/02/2014

    ive been with my boyfriend for a year and a month on and off. we were okay at first but he gets quite voilent when hes angry..hes pushed me by my throat before but hes never hit me, he gets really paranoid and gets into really bad mood for no reason, thinking im going to leave him, he says its my failt he gets angry, because i flirt around. he calls me names and he tells me to go and meet other boys and see what will happen to me. hes threatened to smash up my house before when ive dumped him, so i got scared and went back out with him. he confiscates my phone and ipod regualary and goes through all my chats with boys and deletes most boys. hes even full on shouted voilent in my face in front of everyone.. he wont let me go out with my friends and we get into even scarier arguments when we do.. he doesnt physically abuse me.. but is this abuse?

    Emma - 22/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Emma

      I am really glad that you got in touch as what you are describing is very serious and I am really concerned about you.
      He has been physically abusive by pushing your throat and he is also being very emotionally abusive and controlling. None of the things you mentioned are ok in a relationship and i want you to know that none of this is your fault.

      Does anyone know what is happening? You say he has been abusive in front of other people? Are they supportive? Can you tell anyone like a family member or a trusted adult like a teacher or doctor?
      It is very important that other people know and can help you keep safe. You can also ring the police anytime if you are scared on 999.

      You can ring the national domestic violence helpline anytime and they can help and tell you about how to keep safe and about local services: 0808 2000247

      This is also a good website: http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/

      We also have a live chat service every mon-fri between 5-7pm if you want to chat to us, you can tell us where you live roughly and we can look up local services for you.

      What is happening to you is very serious and do need to get some help, I know it's scary but it is really important as you need help to stay safe whether you choose to leave him or stay in the relationship.

      Take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 23/02/2014

  • Anonymous

    22/02/2014

    I was in an abusive relationship that I've recently escaped. He emotionally and physically and sexually assaulted me. At first I was in denial that I had been raped, now that i realise what he did to me, I have never felt this low before, I'm very lucky to have lots of support. I was 'pestered' a lot into having sex too, he was relentless and wouldn't stop pestering me until i consented to having sex with him. I was just wondering if this was normal or like normal for a teenage boy?

    Anonymous - 22/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi
      Thanks for your message. It sounds like you were in a very upsetting and abusive relationship. What you describe is not normal behaviour in a relationship. You should not be pestered for sex, and actually by him pestering you until you give in - he is not getting your true consent. There is some info about that here:
      http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assault/consent

      I am glad you are no longer in that relationship, are you feeling safe now, is he still trying to contact you?

      I am really pleased you have good support, is this from friends or do you have some professional support too? I am not surprised you are feeling so low, abuse is a very traumatic thing to try to cope with and move on from, so support is very important both from people close to you and also support organisations.

      I am not sure how old you are, but there is some advice here: http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/ and you can also google the name of where you live and 'domestic violence support' and you should get info about local services that you can contact. I know it might feel scary, but they will understand and listen and support you. Or, you can also tell a teacher or someone else who you trust.

      We also have a live chat service here mon-fri from 5-7pm if you want to talk to us more,
      I hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 23/02/2014

  • Mill

    22/02/2014

    My ex boyfriend ended our relationship over me being friends with an ex, we split up over 2 weeks ago and he is still texting me insulting me but he is then nice he switches with me all the time, he's writing about me over social networking. What can I do?

    Mill - 22/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Mill

      Thanks for your message. It sounds like your ex is being very controlling and emotionally abusive. Ending a relationship because someone is friends with an ex and then insulting you via texts and online is not ok.

      It must be confusing when he is nice one minute and then abusive the next, this is also a way of trying to control you.

      Does anyone know what has been happening? It is important to tell someone, maybe a family member or a teacher? You could also change your phone number so he can't contact you and block him on social networking sites. I know you may be worried about other people seeing things he has been saying, so maybe you can talk to your friends about what has been happening. Hopefully they will support you.

      You can also go to this site as they offer support around people who are abused and bullied online - they have cyber mentors and support forums which can help you:
      http://www.beatbullying.org/

      I hope this helps
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 23/02/2014

  • abbie

    22/02/2014

    I am not In a abusive relationship me and my boyfriend are perfectly happy its my friend he keeps pressuring me to take pictures of myself and making sexual comments which are not appropriate first I thought it was a joke but then he got more serious I dont know what to do I have said no but I don't think anyone wil believe me as the messages are over snap chat and you cant see.the message I have blocked him but then I feel guilty and add him again please can I have some advice and I havent told my boy friend yet

    abbie - 22/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Abbie,

      Thank you for your message. I can hear how stressful you are finding your friend putting sexual pressure on you. I’m pleased you have felt able to write here, as now you are not coping on your own with it.

      It is important that you feel comfortable in any relationship, this goes for friendships as well as intimate relationships. Your friend is behaving in a way that you do not want and it is upsetting you. Have you felt able to tell him you do not want to share pictures with him or engage in sexual chat? If not and you felt safe doing so, you could maybe tell him that. You have blocked him and that is a good thing – it doesn’t sound like he feels guilty for upsetting you by asking for pictures, but you feel guilty for protecting yourself by blocking him. You have not done anything wrong in this situation and have nothing to feel bad about. He is the one in the wrong.

      You say you have not told your boyfriend, is there a reason you feel you can’t? The more people that you have supporting you thee easier it will be for you to not feel pressured by this person. Do you have anyone you can talk to about this – friends, family or a teacher? If not we have live chat weekdays 5-7 you can use. I have also included a link to a page on sexting you might want to look at.

      http://www.childline.org.uk/explore/onlinesafety/pages/sexting.aspx

      You deserve to be treated with care and respect in your friendship and this is not the way this person is treating you. You deserve some support to help you cope with this.

      Take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 23/02/2014

  • Sam Morbey

    21/02/2014

    If someone touchs you inapropriatly & it was a while back , is it ever to late to report it ?

    Sam Morbey - 21/02/2014

    Reply
    • hey its never late to report it cuz i had to report it wen it happen in skool but then it happen again i gt friends who has a mouth to tell te teacher cuz i was scared to tell but im not anymore and nobody should ever touch u if this happen again would repor it staraight away

      miss nobody - 23/02/2014

    • Hello Sam

      Thanks for contacting us and I am sorry to hear that something like this has happened to you.The answer to your question is yes this can be reported. It does not matter that this happened some time ago. The police take all allegations of sexual assault seriously as well as making sure that emotional support is provided to victims too.

      Some areas have independent sexual violence advisors (ISVA). If you call the national helpline on 0808 2000 247 they will be able to tell you what services are available specifically in your area.

      Dealing with something like this can be upsetting and frightening so maybe think about having a friend you trust be with you for some emotional support

      i hope things work out

      Take care
      Linda

      This is Abuse team 22/02/2014

  • joanne

    21/02/2014

    I am in an abusive relationship for 11 years things are getting steadily worse and now the abuse has become daily some times two or three times a day I love him but I can't cope any more

    joanne - 21/02/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Joanne,

      Thank you for your message. I can hear what a frightening and dangerous situation you are in and I’m pleased you have written here, it shows real courage.

      Your message was brief, but it sounds like your partner is being extremely abusive and that’s very dangerous for you. I understand that you love him but the way he is treating you is not right and it’s not your fault. You don’t deserve to be in a relationship in which you are being abused at all, never mind one in which you are under daily threat. The way your partner is acting is a way he is choosing to behave; you cannot change his actions. You can only keep yourself safe.

      Do you know anyone you could talk to about this, friends, family, or someone else in your life? If you don’t feel able to talk to anyone you know I would encourage you to call the 24 -hour domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247. You can speak to them about how you are feeling and what options you could take. If you are in immediate danger you can also call 999, as what is happening to you is a serious crime.

      You might also want to look on this website for more information about domestic abuse in relationships.

      www.womensaid.org.uk

      I understand why you feel that you can’t cope anymore you are going through a lot and it’s frightening and dangerous. You don’t have to cope alone though; there is support out there.

      We also have live chat 5-7 weeknights if you would like to talk to one of our team about this.

      Take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 23/02/2014

  • June

    21/02/2014

    I have been married 11 years, he has been physically abusive when he thought i was flirting with a male friend. He doesn't like me going out and will call me names and tell me i look like a whore. I have children with him and he uses them against me making me feel guilty if i dare go out without them. I have had to leave a job i loves as he said it was killing our relationship. He recently had sex with me even though i didn't want him to. I asked him to stop but he wouldn't. I cant even go see friends. IM stuck and need helpful advice not just " leave him" i know i need to but scared he will lose the plot

    June - 21/02/2014

    Reply
    • Dear June,

      Thank you for your message. I can hear how trapped you are feeling in your relationship and how frightened you are at the moment. It takes a lot of strength to post here, you have been very brace to do so. No one will tell you to leave your husband, that’s a choice only you can make. We can let you know about support that is out there though.

      All the things you describe in your message are very serious and your husband is being abusive. Attacking you, controlling your movements, verbally abusing you, forcing you to leave your job and raping you are all incredibly frightening things, and all of those things are crimes. You have had to cope on your own with all this while raising your children, that’s a difficult thing to do and something you should not have to cope on your own with.

      Do you know anyone you could talk to about this, friends, family, or someone else in your life? If you don’t feel able to talk to anyone you know I would encourage you to call the 24 -hour domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247. You can speak to them about how you are feeling and what options you could take. You may also want to discuss the rape you have experienced from your partner. To do this you can call Rape Crisis, they are an organisation who specialise in working with women and girls who have suffered sexual violence and trauma. They can talk with you in a confidential and non-judgemental setting. You can reach them on 0808 802 (12 –2.30 & 7 – 9.30 everyday).

      You might also want to look on this website for more information about domestic abuse in relationships.

      www.womensaid.org.uk

      The more support you have the easier it will be for you decide what you would like to do next. You say you are frightened of your partner losing the plot if you try to leave him, and it’s understandable as he has shown no regard for your well being by being abusive. You have been in an abusive relationship a long time and have to be careful of your every action. That’s incredibly stressful, if you speak to someone about what is happening then you may be able to get some perspective on what you are dealing with and work out some ways to make the next step towards getting some practical help.

      Take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 23/02/2014

  • Donna

    21/02/2014

    I am at my wits end with my husband, he mentally abuses me from the moment I open my eyes to the moment I go to sleep, I sit in my bedroom from 6pm at night until 8.30am in the morning when I go to work, the name calling is at a all time high, I have considered taking my own life, I would love to leave but I have no money and no where to go, I am just about holding it all together although over the past few days I have broken down at work, I put on a brave face for work colleagues but it is getting harder everyday.

    Donna - 21/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Donna

      thank you for contacting us and explaining a bit about what is happening to you. Are you able to talk to anyone about what is going on? Maybe a colleague at work that your trust, a friend,relative or your GP? Abuse is a very isolating experience and if at all possible its best if you can talk to someone about this so you can get some support for yourself.

      I am worried that the situation has got to the point where your husbands abuse has made you consider taking your own life. If you can, please go to your GP and discuss this with them so they can get you some help. Having suicidal thoughts can be very frightening so remember that you can always got to a local accident and emergency department if you feel like this again and they will arrange for a specialist doctor to see you. The Samaritans helpline is also useful to consider (08457 909090) and the website www.mind.org.uk is good too.

      For practical advice about the options available to you ( as well as information about local services in your area) call the National helpline on 0808 2000 247 and they will be able to discuss options with you which you can then consider. I hope you will be able to consider some of these suggestion as the continual mental abuse must be leaving you feeling absolutely exhausted and it must make coping at work a real challenge. There are services that can help - i know contacting them might feel scary but you have a right to feel safe and respected within a relationship and not to continue suffering like this.

      I hope that you are able to talk to someone and get some support and that things start to improve

      Take care
      Linda

      This is Abuse team 22/02/2014

  • Nicola

    21/02/2014

    Hello Nicola

    thanks for contacting us and I can hear how confused you feel about this relationship. I understand that you have feelings for your boyfriend but he is being both emotionally and physically abusive towards you. A healthy relationship should not leave you feeling scared when your partner becomes angry. Have you been able to talk to anyone about this? Really you need to try and tell someone you trust as abuse is hard to cope with on your own and you will need some emotional support.

    I am not sure how old you are but maybe look at these websites - www.respectnotfear.co.uk(for young people) and www.womensaid.org.uk. as both of them have useful information on them about abuse and relationships. Also if you call the National helpline on 0808 2000 247 they can tell you what support services are in your local area and you can see how you feel about making contact with then for support. Alternatively, we offer live chat sessions Mon - Fri 5 -7 if you would like to talk to one of us

    I hope things improve and work out

    Take care
    Linda

    Nicola Nicola - 21/02/2014

    Reply
  • Courtney

    20/02/2014

    My best friend has been in a on off relationship with someone but I'm really worried because I think that they are very controlling! They dont like me at all and they made her pick between me and them, so now shes not allowed to talk to me, and if she does he makes her feel so guilty. They send texts saying "this is all your fault" and they go through her phone to make sure she isn't talking to me, and I don't even think that they are in a relationship right now! I just don't think it's right because you shouldn't be made to choose between the person you love and your friends, he asked her to delete my number, and bbm so she can't have any contact with me, and she does it obviously because she loves him but I really don't think it's right, he gets jelous so easily and then has a go at her I think he is controlling, but I don't know if it's emotional abuse? Please help, I'm quite worried!

    Courtney - 20/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Courtney

      Thanks for your message and I can see why you are concerned about your friends relationship. She is lucky to have you and the support you are obviously keen to provide.

      Yes this does sound like a very controlling relationship and it is definitely not okay to check and manage another persons phone and contacts or to try and come between them and their friends. This type of control is a form of emotional abuse so you are right to be worried for your friend.

      I know you say that its not so easy to see each other now but when you do manage this will she talk to you about these things? It can be very hard to stay in touch with a friend in a controlling relationship as part of the control includes disrupting friendships. This leaves the person being abused really isolated so the more you can try and keep connected to her the better that will be. Its also important to not tell her what to do but explain why you are worried about her and test out if she is happy to talk about it and look at some options with you. She will want to know that you will be supportive of her no matter what as she will be struggling with the fact that she loves this person despite these behaviours.

      You, or maybe both of you together, could look at the Women's aid website www.womensaid.org.uk which has lots of useful information on it including a section on emotional abuse - here is the link( (http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic_violence_topic.asp?section=0001000100220042). Your friend could look at the examples and think about which of them might apply to her relationship. Another option would be to call the National Helpline on 0808 2000 247 because they can tell you about support services in your area and also talk through options with your friend if she wanted to do that.

      Lastly, have you got any support for yourself. it can be upsetting and exhausting helping a friend in an abusive relationship. I hope you have someone you can talk to that can support you too

      Take care
      Linda

      This is Abuse team 22/02/2014

  • Anonymous

    20/02/2014

    There was this boy, he is 2years older than me. He already knew I kinda fancied him from seeing me round school and talking to my best friends sister (who is in his year). Anyway, he sent me a snapchat one day just starting a chat, "hey" we talked quite a lot that night. He seemed so sweet and caring. We would chat almost every night about anything it didn't seem to matter.
    Then after about a week he asked me if I wanted to 'have a laugh' I wondered what he meant, when I asked he said you know "banter" I stupidly agreed. The deal was I show cleavage and he is topless. From there it got worse. He kept coming up with games to play.we would FaceTime and snapchat every night yet he couldn't look me in the eye at school. That's when I noticed something seriously needed to stop. But as much as I tried we would always end up back to the stupid games. I felt so ashamed in what I had done, he said "I was good, really good" he would boost my confidence. Now I know why, he just wanted "banter" it wasn't fun though.
    One day my best friend was over and I burst out crying when he text me saying "free house tonight come over" I told my friend everything and she was very understanding but she told me something I did not want to hear. He had been doing this with loads of girls at my school, all the same make them feel special then get pleasure from them. As soon as I knew I confronted him and said I was hurt and done with him. He said I was different and that I did matter, I fell for it.
    Then a week before his 16th birthday he told me he would always be here for me but this all had to stop. I was so relieved but had never felt dirtier, it was truly over but now I've got to live with what I have done. Some days when I think about it, I feel like dying that I can't live with it, I've never self harmed though and never will. But I cry every night because of him. My friend says he abused me, manipulated me, is it true?was these past 6months abuse?

    Anonymous - 20/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Anonymous

      Thanks for your message. I am really glad you contacted us because I can hear how distressed you are about what has happened. Unfortunately, your friend is right. This boy manipulated and exploited not only you but other girls too it seems. I really want you to think about that because when you say that you are feeling 'dirty' remember this is not your fault. This is about what he did and and how he pressurised you into sharing some things about yourself that you did not feel really happy to share. What he has done is wrong and having those images on his phone or computer is actually against the law.

      If you take a look at this link
      http://www.thinkuknow.co.uk/14_plus/Need-advice/Selfies-and-sexting/ you will see that it has lots of advice about this as quite a number of young people have had an experience similar to yours. The link also has advice about how to have images removed if you think he still has them or intends to publish them.

      I am also really concerned about how this has left you feeling. I am glad that you were able to tell your friend and it seems that she has been really supportive. Is there anyone else you could talk to about this - perhaps a teacher your trust?If so they should be able to arrange for you to talk to someone (confidentially) about this so that you can start to feel better about yourself and move on and enjoy life again - this is possible. There are also helplines for young people that you could always call for example Childline 0800 1111 and the Young minds website on www.youngminds.org.uk has lots of useful information for young people who have thoughts of self harm. These thoughts and feelings can be quite common after the experience you have had but its also important to talk to people or contact these services if your feelings get worse or don't lessen with time.

      We have Live Chat sessions Mon - Fri 5 -7 if you think it would help to contact us

      take care
      Linda

      This is Abuse team 22/02/2014

  • Emily

    20/02/2014

    So basically since I was about 5 till 13/14 my dad use to hit me and push me around, sometimes he use to do it so hard i would have bright red hand prints left on me and bruises, my dad was an alcoholic and was more aggressive when he was drunk. He'd come in shouting and swearing, hitting me, my siblings and my mum. Almost a year ago my parents split up and I'm now currently living with my dad as my mum chucked me out. I'm terrified of him and he scares me every time he walks into the room, I've told my school this but they said as he's no longer abusing me they can't help, apparently I can't put my self into care, is this true? I have suffered from self harm for years now and my dad has tried to commit suicidle multiple times and this also scares me! Basically I just want done advice about care home or if the council can help me get my own place I'm 16 and haven't got a job but need to get away from my family soon as possible! Thank you.

    Emily - 20/02/2014

    Reply
    • Heya emily, I know how you feel chick, iv suffered this kind of abuse and many more kinds in my lifetime by so called friends, family and boyfriends and im only 18, people always saw me as a tough girl but they didnt know what was going on, behind closed doors, my dad used to be pretty violent only towards me though not my other 3 sisters and now a little bit to my youngest brother, you just gotta stick up for yourself like I learnt to, I told my dad that if he ever thouches me or anyone in my family ever again I was gonna hit him back, not exactly the best approach but it worked, he never layed a finger on us again, so keep ya chin up hunni things will get better x

      emily a f - 14/03/2014

    • Hi Emily,
      Thanks for your message. I’m sorry to hear things are so difficult and scary for you at the moment. I am really worried about you self harming, is this a way for you to cope with what is happening? If so you really need to speak to someone. Your father is still abusing you as say you are terrified every time he comes into the room and your school as a duty to safeguard you. Does your school know about you self harming?
      I would suggest you try to speak to the school again and explain that you’re a fearful of your father and if they are not already aware of you self harming then inform them. You could also contact your local children’s services who will be able to help you.
      Childline have a counselling service for children and young people you can call them on 0800 1111 or www.childline.org.uk
      We have live chat sessions on a Mon-Fri 5-7pm if you need more advice and information.
      Stay safe
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 22/02/2014

  • Catalina

    20/02/2014

    I've never been in a relationship that hasn't ended in domestic violence. Is it my fault? Do I drive all these men crazy that they feel they have no other option but to hurt me? My last relationship broke down just over a week ago when my boyfriend attacked me. He's tried to contact me and apologize about what happened but I've deleted and blocked his number and other forms of contact. He wrote me a really long note and posted it through my door about how dreadful he feels and how he is sorry and going to try and sort his life out, but i'm so familiar with the pattern of how this cycle generally works, the incident, the tears and crying and heartfelt apologies. when you forgive them after they promise it will never happen again, it always does. Despite knowing all of this part of me believes him or wants to believe him. I can't seem to let him go despite how badly he treated me. I'm so used to being in abusive relationships I feel I don't I don't know any better. Is it true what they say about "once a man hits a woman, he will always hit her"?

    Catalina - 20/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Catalina,
      Thanks for getting in touch. I’m sorry to hear that you have had numerous abusive relationships in your past and please believe me you are not responsible in any way of what has happened. Sometimes victims of abuse can become part of a cycle and meet people who are able to see their vulnerability and use this as a way to have power and control over them. We sometimes don’t see this as being controlling at first as when we have experienced abuse over a long period this can seem naturalbehaviour.
      I understand that you will love this person and want to believe him but like you have said how many times can someone do this to us before we see that it is wrong. You have been so brave to cut all contact with this person as this is a way that they can continue to control you. Abusers can not change their behaviour over night if this person really wants to change then he need to seek professional help.
      I would also suggest that you look for some support in either a support group or on 1-2-1. You can contact your local domestic abuse service or www.womensaid.org.uk can offer you advice and support.
      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 22/02/2014

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