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This is ABUSE

Help uscall outabuse

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Tell us what you think about abuse in relationships

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Results: 225 - 240 of 2091

  • Anon

    23/02/2014

    Hi.. I was previously in an abusive relationship. Physical, sexual and emotional.. I am aware that what he did was wrong and I can understand that. However I was also groomed online for some years as an early teenager. This was by strange men via webcam and they threatened me if I didn't do what they asked.. is this abuse? Now I am in a new relationship and happy.. my partner knows about all of this but I struggle with intimacy as a result of my past. Is this normal? I often get flashbacks and relive the events.. am I normal?

    Anon - 23/02/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Anon,

      I am really pleased that you decided to get in touch. I am sorry that you have experienced these abuses. Yes, being groomed online is abusive as is being threatened. It sounds like you have been through a lot and I wondered whether you have ever had any counselling?

      It is completely normal to take time to recover, and even with time good support is important too. Flashbacks are not uncommon when someone has had a traumatic experience. You could talk with your GP about counselling or a specialist organisation such as Rape Crisis www.rapecrisis.org.uk as the online abuse happened to you when you were in your teens you could get in touch with the National Association for People Abused in Childhood http://www.napac.org.uk/ .

      I hope that’s useful.

      Take Care,

      Brian

      This is Abuse team 25/02/2014

  • Gemma

    23/02/2014

    A few years ago I met a boy pretty much in the middle of nowhere because that's where he asked me to meet him - I didn't think anything of it. We sat down in the grass and after a while he started to touch me up and started putting his hands up my top and then underneath my bra to touch my boobs and I kept pulling his hands out but he kept doing it. I got up and he told me to stay and I had to make up an excuse so I could leave. I didn't like it and didn't think it was serious so I never told anyone but thinking back, I don't know whether it was rape or not even though I didn't want him to and should I have told anyone?

    Gemma - 23/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Gemma
      Thanks for your message. I can understand that this was a very traumatic experience for you.
      If someone touches you sexually and you do not want them to then this can be sexual assault. It is not rape as that involved penetration, but it is still serious and must have been really upsetting and scary.
      It is good that you were able to leave safely. Have you seen him again since?
      It may be a good idea to talk to someone about this and how it has made you feel - maybe a family member or a teacher?
      This is a good site as well: http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/

      I hope this helps.
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 26/02/2014

  • Rachel

    23/02/2014

    I'm not sure I should even be posting on here are having read some of the other peoples awful experiences I don't feel like mine compares. I feel like I have nowhere else to turn though. I have been in a relationship for 6 years and a year ago he moved in. Since he started living with me I have not been allowed any friends to the house. He is often 'off' with me, won't answer when I talk to him, gets up and leaves a room I enter, even gets up and leaves the bedroom when I come to bed. Sometimes this goes on for days at a time. I try to do everything so as not to annoy him, although I work full time to I have to make sure that all the dishes are done by the time he gets home. I also do all the cleaning, washing, diy etc. If I ever ask him for help he gets really mad and usually refuses. One evening he got really mad and barely spoke to me for days because the lounge light wasn't switched on when he got home (I had been working from home in the other room and it had only been dark about half an hour). One night I asked if he would mind turning the tv down as I was worried about the neighbours and he didn't speak to me for 3 days. On my birthday he said he was leaving me and then refused to have my family over for a birthday 'do' at the weekend. He shouts and swears and tells me things like I am the most depressing person in the world to talk to, that I smell and sometime when he's drunk he calls me even worse names and accuses me of wanting to sleep with other men. I do try to talk to him calmly and rationally because when he's not speaking to me I genuinely have no idea why but he just says I'm trying to start an argument and won't talk about it. Worst of all is that he won't have my Dad in the house. I am very close with my Dad who is on his own after my mother died. He was also seriously ill this year so I have to spend time with him each day to make sure he is coping. I forced the issue once and he was distant and rude (something that Dad still worries about now) so I haven't dared to do it again. I invite Dad over when he works evenings and make sure to clear everything up before he gets home. Once, Dad was late coming round so I had to call him and let him know he might be here when he got home at 8, but he went out and didn't come home until 10.30. He's never hurt me, although he has smashed the glass in doors etc. when he's angry and he once grabbed my phone from me and pulled out some of my hair but I don't think he meant to. This all sounds so pathetic written down, I just don't know what to do. I don't believe I should be ignored and made to feel bad when all I do is look after him and his family. I fell like I'm going mad and that maybe I'm this really bad person who deserves it and just didn't realise before. I haven't even explained this properly here, it's so hard to put into words. It's like telling someone a joke who doesn't laugh at the punchline because they want to make you feel stupid. Does anyone else out there feel like this?

    Rachel - 23/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Rachel

      I am so glad you got in touch. Please try not to compare your situation to other people's that you may have read on here. What you are describing is emotional abuse and controlling behaviour and actually is very serious. I am not surprised that you are so upset.

      I think you need to think carefully about whether you want to be in this relationship still. It sounds very unhealthy and I am concerned for you. I know that ending relationships can be really hard, but you deserve to have love and respect and I promise you that most men would not treat you like this.

      I think you could benefit from some support to think this through. There are several options:
      You can come to our live chat sessions every mon-fri from 5-7pm and we can talk this through with you, you can ring the national domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247 which is open 24 hours a day to get some advice or you can google the name of the area you live in plus 'domestic violence support' and you should get info on local services.
      You can also talk to your GP.

      It is important that you get some support and don't try to cope with this on your own. Are you friends aware of what is happening?
      This is the first step in helping you to cope with this and working out a way forward,
      I hope this helps,
      take care
      jo

      This is Abuse team - 25/02/2014

  • Ann

    23/02/2014

    My partner physically abuses me and is an imputant. I want to commit suicide. I need help getting a divorce he has shut me in home. I need help.

    Ann - 23/02/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Anna,
      Thank you for your message. I can hear that you are feeling desperate in the situation you are in.
      All the things you describe in your message are types of abusive and are very serious. If you feel you are in immediate danger you can call the police. What is happening to you is against the law and is not your fault
      Have you discussed the situation with anyone in your life, family or friends? If not you can call the national helpline on 0808 2000 247. They will be able to offer you confidential support and advice. The calls will not show up on your phone bill. If you feel suicidal you can speak to your GP about this or call the Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90
      You may also want to look on this website for more information on domestic abuse and what help is available for you in your local area.
      www.womensaid.org.uk
      Take care,
      Becca

      This is Abuse team 24/02/2014

  • Anne

    23/02/2014

    Ive been in a relationship for 7 years and at the beginning everything was great, but now he seems to always pick fights with me over everything. He shouts at me and starts an argument if I don't want to have sex with him, then he ignores me for a few days (even though we live together) and then its like nothing happened and he expects me to be normal with him. I feel like I want to leave but he controls the finances and is also my boss, I worry that if I leave he could find a way to get me fired and I will end up with no home, no job or anything. I really need some advice, I don't know what to do anymore. Hes never hit me but has a bit of a problem with drink and has grabbed and pushed me around on many occasions but is always really upset when he sees the bruises that hes left, he doesn't always remember being like this either.

    Anne - 23/02/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Anne,
      Thank you for your message. I can hear how trapped you are feeling in the relationship you are in.. It takes a lot of strength to reach out and I’m pleased you have felt able to. There is support out there you can access. You don’t have to cope on your own.
      All the things you describe in your email are types of abusive and are very serious. He is controlling your behaviour, leaving you with bruises, emotionally abusing you and attempting to coerce you into having sex against your will. None of these things are ok and none are your fault.
      Have you discussed the situation with anyone in your life, family or friends? If not you can call the national helpline on 0808 2000 247. They will be able to offer you confidential support and advice. The calls will not show up on your phone bill.
      You may also want to look on this website for more information on domestic abuse and what help is available for you in your local area.
      www.womensaid.org.uk
      Take care,
      Becca

      This is Abuse team 24/02/2014

  • Anonymous

    22/02/2014

    Hi, I was in an abusive relationship about 5 years ago now, he was 3 years older than me and a lot more experienced since he was my first adult relationship. I've had counseling and even managed to talk to my parents about it but I don't think I've ever got over it. I was in highschool so as soon as it ended pretty much I ignored it didn't even register it as abuse until later. I had problems with stress before this relationship but after was diagnosed with PTSD. I've noticed from reading some of the comments below a lot of girls seem to feel somewhat responsible for what happened and blame themselves, I feel like this a lot of the time and it has ruined relationships since then as it makes me not feel worthy. It broke the idea I had of myself as a strong person as I never stood up for myself and let it happen time and time again. While the counseling helped now I've started a new relationship after having single to sort myself out, I've found those feelings of unworthiness creeping up on me; like if I told him about it he wouldn't think I was good enough any more. I know that is totally my own irrational thought and nothing to do with the guy I'm seeing, just wondered if you had any advice to dealing with those feelings? Also I wanted to say that I think you're doing a wonderful thing.

    Anonymous - 22/02/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Anonymous,
      Thank you so much for your message and your support. I can hear that you worked really hard to get yourself into the position you are in now. That took real strength and the message you have left here will be really inspiring for other people reading.
      You say that now you are in a relationship again you can recognise the feelings of unworthiness coming back. That’s really hard for you and it’s something you may want to address with a counsellor. If you have stopped seeing the one you had before you can have a look on this website for specialist domestic abuse counsellors in your area.
      www. womensaid.org.uk
      You can also call the national helpline on 0808 2000 247 to discuss any emotions you have around the abuse you suffered.
      Thank you again for your support and sharing your story.
      Take care,
      Becca

      This is Abuse team 24/02/2014

  • Will

    22/02/2014

    Hello...I don't like to think of this as abuse as I love my partner but - she seems to think I'm "clocking" (her words) a woman who may be passing, walking, coming into the shop and speaking with me, at the airport, at the bar.
    I'm now on finite edge watching her to be sure I'm looking at her rather than anywhere else.
    I dod not look at anyone particular, I do glance at anyone at any given time, as in the peripheral vision, I see movement.
    Lately the PC buzzes as if as SMS is coming through....I've checked this and it is the PC board connecting but she belives I'm texting.
    I despenced of my mobile 3 years ago, finished with FB and friends on there because she thought I was chatting with them.
    I had a lot of business contacts who 'friended' me.
    We had a situation last year when we were dancing within our shop front area - a neighbour came over and told me I was an incredible dancer - while my partner was with me of course and unfortunately looked at me!
    ...this caused a problem as now the lady is the centre of dislike! (not from me)
    I'm 60 btw and my partner is 55!
    How do we handle this?
    As a footnote: my partner actually says it's me that's making her feel insecure.
    Of course unless you know me, you can't really pass judgement but I am totally with her and love her and tell her this - often .

    Will - 22/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Will,
      Thank you for your message. I can hear that you are finding your partners jealousy quite difficult to deal with and it is making you feel on edge all of the time. It sounds like you have tried to discuss this with her and she has not been receptive.

      A lot of the behaviours that you describe in your message are emotionally abusive. Is here anyone in your life you could discuss this with? If not the men’s advice line are a great service that are open 9-5 weekdays. You can reach them on 0808 801 0327, it’s confidential helpline that works with men in abusive relationships.

      You may want to a look at this resource as well, and if you felt it appropriate discuss it with your partner.

      http://www.respect.uk.net/data/files/managing_jealousy_leaflet.pdf

      Take care,
      Becca


      This is Abuse team 24/02/2014

  • Emma

    22/02/2014

    ive been with my boyfriend for a year and a month on and off. we were okay at first but he gets quite voilent when hes angry..hes pushed me by my throat before but hes never hit me, he gets really paranoid and gets into really bad mood for no reason, thinking im going to leave him, he says its my failt he gets angry, because i flirt around. he calls me names and he tells me to go and meet other boys and see what will happen to me. hes threatened to smash up my house before when ive dumped him, so i got scared and went back out with him. he confiscates my phone and ipod regualary and goes through all my chats with boys and deletes most boys. hes even full on shouted voilent in my face in front of everyone.. he wont let me go out with my friends and we get into even scarier arguments when we do.. he doesnt physically abuse me.. but is this abuse?

    Emma - 22/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Emma

      I am really glad that you got in touch as what you are describing is very serious and I am really concerned about you.
      He has been physically abusive by pushing your throat and he is also being very emotionally abusive and controlling. None of the things you mentioned are ok in a relationship and i want you to know that none of this is your fault.

      Does anyone know what is happening? You say he has been abusive in front of other people? Are they supportive? Can you tell anyone like a family member or a trusted adult like a teacher or doctor?
      It is very important that other people know and can help you keep safe. You can also ring the police anytime if you are scared on 999.

      You can ring the national domestic violence helpline anytime and they can help and tell you about how to keep safe and about local services: 0808 2000247

      This is also a good website: http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/

      We also have a live chat service every mon-fri between 5-7pm if you want to chat to us, you can tell us where you live roughly and we can look up local services for you.

      What is happening to you is very serious and do need to get some help, I know it's scary but it is really important as you need help to stay safe whether you choose to leave him or stay in the relationship.

      Take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 23/02/2014

  • Anonymous

    22/02/2014

    I was in an abusive relationship that I've recently escaped. He emotionally and physically and sexually assaulted me. At first I was in denial that I had been raped, now that i realise what he did to me, I have never felt this low before, I'm very lucky to have lots of support. I was 'pestered' a lot into having sex too, he was relentless and wouldn't stop pestering me until i consented to having sex with him. I was just wondering if this was normal or like normal for a teenage boy?

    Anonymous - 22/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi
      Thanks for your message. It sounds like you were in a very upsetting and abusive relationship. What you describe is not normal behaviour in a relationship. You should not be pestered for sex, and actually by him pestering you until you give in - he is not getting your true consent. There is some info about that here:
      http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assault/consent

      I am glad you are no longer in that relationship, are you feeling safe now, is he still trying to contact you?

      I am really pleased you have good support, is this from friends or do you have some professional support too? I am not surprised you are feeling so low, abuse is a very traumatic thing to try to cope with and move on from, so support is very important both from people close to you and also support organisations.

      I am not sure how old you are, but there is some advice here: http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/ and you can also google the name of where you live and 'domestic violence support' and you should get info about local services that you can contact. I know it might feel scary, but they will understand and listen and support you. Or, you can also tell a teacher or someone else who you trust.

      We also have a live chat service here mon-fri from 5-7pm if you want to talk to us more,
      I hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 23/02/2014

  • Mill

    22/02/2014

    My ex boyfriend ended our relationship over me being friends with an ex, we split up over 2 weeks ago and he is still texting me insulting me but he is then nice he switches with me all the time, he's writing about me over social networking. What can I do?

    Mill - 22/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Mill

      Thanks for your message. It sounds like your ex is being very controlling and emotionally abusive. Ending a relationship because someone is friends with an ex and then insulting you via texts and online is not ok.

      It must be confusing when he is nice one minute and then abusive the next, this is also a way of trying to control you.

      Does anyone know what has been happening? It is important to tell someone, maybe a family member or a teacher? You could also change your phone number so he can't contact you and block him on social networking sites. I know you may be worried about other people seeing things he has been saying, so maybe you can talk to your friends about what has been happening. Hopefully they will support you.

      You can also go to this site as they offer support around people who are abused and bullied online - they have cyber mentors and support forums which can help you:
      http://www.beatbullying.org/

      I hope this helps
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 23/02/2014

  • abbie

    22/02/2014

    I am not In a abusive relationship me and my boyfriend are perfectly happy its my friend he keeps pressuring me to take pictures of myself and making sexual comments which are not appropriate first I thought it was a joke but then he got more serious I dont know what to do I have said no but I don't think anyone wil believe me as the messages are over snap chat and you cant see.the message I have blocked him but then I feel guilty and add him again please can I have some advice and I havent told my boy friend yet

    abbie - 22/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Abbie,

      Thank you for your message. I can hear how stressful you are finding your friend putting sexual pressure on you. I’m pleased you have felt able to write here, as now you are not coping on your own with it.

      It is important that you feel comfortable in any relationship, this goes for friendships as well as intimate relationships. Your friend is behaving in a way that you do not want and it is upsetting you. Have you felt able to tell him you do not want to share pictures with him or engage in sexual chat? If not and you felt safe doing so, you could maybe tell him that. You have blocked him and that is a good thing – it doesn’t sound like he feels guilty for upsetting you by asking for pictures, but you feel guilty for protecting yourself by blocking him. You have not done anything wrong in this situation and have nothing to feel bad about. He is the one in the wrong.

      You say you have not told your boyfriend, is there a reason you feel you can’t? The more people that you have supporting you thee easier it will be for you to not feel pressured by this person. Do you have anyone you can talk to about this – friends, family or a teacher? If not we have live chat weekdays 5-7 you can use. I have also included a link to a page on sexting you might want to look at.

      http://www.childline.org.uk/explore/onlinesafety/pages/sexting.aspx

      You deserve to be treated with care and respect in your friendship and this is not the way this person is treating you. You deserve some support to help you cope with this.

      Take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 23/02/2014

  • Sam Morbey

    21/02/2014

    If someone touchs you inapropriatly & it was a while back , is it ever to late to report it ?

    Sam Morbey - 21/02/2014

    Reply
    • hey its never late to report it cuz i had to report it wen it happen in skool but then it happen again i gt friends who has a mouth to tell te teacher cuz i was scared to tell but im not anymore and nobody should ever touch u if this happen again would repor it staraight away

      miss nobody - 23/02/2014

    • Hello Sam

      Thanks for contacting us and I am sorry to hear that something like this has happened to you.The answer to your question is yes this can be reported. It does not matter that this happened some time ago. The police take all allegations of sexual assault seriously as well as making sure that emotional support is provided to victims too.

      Some areas have independent sexual violence advisors (ISVA). If you call the national helpline on 0808 2000 247 they will be able to tell you what services are available specifically in your area.

      Dealing with something like this can be upsetting and frightening so maybe think about having a friend you trust be with you for some emotional support

      i hope things work out

      Take care
      Linda

      This is Abuse team 22/02/2014

  • joanne

    21/02/2014

    I am in an abusive relationship for 11 years things are getting steadily worse and now the abuse has become daily some times two or three times a day I love him but I can't cope any more

    joanne - 21/02/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Joanne,

      Thank you for your message. I can hear what a frightening and dangerous situation you are in and I’m pleased you have written here, it shows real courage.

      Your message was brief, but it sounds like your partner is being extremely abusive and that’s very dangerous for you. I understand that you love him but the way he is treating you is not right and it’s not your fault. You don’t deserve to be in a relationship in which you are being abused at all, never mind one in which you are under daily threat. The way your partner is acting is a way he is choosing to behave; you cannot change his actions. You can only keep yourself safe.

      Do you know anyone you could talk to about this, friends, family, or someone else in your life? If you don’t feel able to talk to anyone you know I would encourage you to call the 24 -hour domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247. You can speak to them about how you are feeling and what options you could take. If you are in immediate danger you can also call 999, as what is happening to you is a serious crime.

      You might also want to look on this website for more information about domestic abuse in relationships.

      www.womensaid.org.uk

      I understand why you feel that you can’t cope anymore you are going through a lot and it’s frightening and dangerous. You don’t have to cope alone though; there is support out there.

      We also have live chat 5-7 weeknights if you would like to talk to one of our team about this.

      Take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 23/02/2014

  • June

    21/02/2014

    I have been married 11 years, he has been physically abusive when he thought i was flirting with a male friend. He doesn't like me going out and will call me names and tell me i look like a whore. I have children with him and he uses them against me making me feel guilty if i dare go out without them. I have had to leave a job i loves as he said it was killing our relationship. He recently had sex with me even though i didn't want him to. I asked him to stop but he wouldn't. I cant even go see friends. IM stuck and need helpful advice not just " leave him" i know i need to but scared he will lose the plot

    June - 21/02/2014

    Reply
    • Dear June,

      Thank you for your message. I can hear how trapped you are feeling in your relationship and how frightened you are at the moment. It takes a lot of strength to post here, you have been very brace to do so. No one will tell you to leave your husband, that’s a choice only you can make. We can let you know about support that is out there though.

      All the things you describe in your message are very serious and your husband is being abusive. Attacking you, controlling your movements, verbally abusing you, forcing you to leave your job and raping you are all incredibly frightening things, and all of those things are crimes. You have had to cope on your own with all this while raising your children, that’s a difficult thing to do and something you should not have to cope on your own with.

      Do you know anyone you could talk to about this, friends, family, or someone else in your life? If you don’t feel able to talk to anyone you know I would encourage you to call the 24 -hour domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247. You can speak to them about how you are feeling and what options you could take. You may also want to discuss the rape you have experienced from your partner. To do this you can call Rape Crisis, they are an organisation who specialise in working with women and girls who have suffered sexual violence and trauma. They can talk with you in a confidential and non-judgemental setting. You can reach them on 0808 802 (12 –2.30 & 7 – 9.30 everyday).

      You might also want to look on this website for more information about domestic abuse in relationships.

      www.womensaid.org.uk

      The more support you have the easier it will be for you decide what you would like to do next. You say you are frightened of your partner losing the plot if you try to leave him, and it’s understandable as he has shown no regard for your well being by being abusive. You have been in an abusive relationship a long time and have to be careful of your every action. That’s incredibly stressful, if you speak to someone about what is happening then you may be able to get some perspective on what you are dealing with and work out some ways to make the next step towards getting some practical help.

      Take care,

      Becca

      This is Abuse team 23/02/2014

  • Donna

    21/02/2014

    I am at my wits end with my husband, he mentally abuses me from the moment I open my eyes to the moment I go to sleep, I sit in my bedroom from 6pm at night until 8.30am in the morning when I go to work, the name calling is at a all time high, I have considered taking my own life, I would love to leave but I have no money and no where to go, I am just about holding it all together although over the past few days I have broken down at work, I put on a brave face for work colleagues but it is getting harder everyday.

    Donna - 21/02/2014

    Reply
    • Hello Donna

      thank you for contacting us and explaining a bit about what is happening to you. Are you able to talk to anyone about what is going on? Maybe a colleague at work that your trust, a friend,relative or your GP? Abuse is a very isolating experience and if at all possible its best if you can talk to someone about this so you can get some support for yourself.

      I am worried that the situation has got to the point where your husbands abuse has made you consider taking your own life. If you can, please go to your GP and discuss this with them so they can get you some help. Having suicidal thoughts can be very frightening so remember that you can always got to a local accident and emergency department if you feel like this again and they will arrange for a specialist doctor to see you. The Samaritans helpline is also useful to consider (08457 909090) and the website www.mind.org.uk is good too.

      For practical advice about the options available to you ( as well as information about local services in your area) call the National helpline on 0808 2000 247 and they will be able to discuss options with you which you can then consider. I hope you will be able to consider some of these suggestion as the continual mental abuse must be leaving you feeling absolutely exhausted and it must make coping at work a real challenge. There are services that can help - i know contacting them might feel scary but you have a right to feel safe and respected within a relationship and not to continue suffering like this.

      I hope that you are able to talk to someone and get some support and that things start to improve

      Take care
      Linda

      This is Abuse team 22/02/2014

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Don't glamorise illegal or dangerous activities, including violence of any kind. It's ok to talk about your experiences but you shouldn't encourage others to do anything illegal or dangerous.

Don't write anything that's untrue about anyone else (including boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, guardians, teachers, social workers, group leaders and famous people). Don't write anything that could harm anyone else's reputation.

This isn't a dating site – it's a platform to talk about teenage relationship abuse and your opinions on the matter; don't use it to meet or flirt with other people.

Don't write everything in CAPS – it's the equivalent of shouting and isn't polite or easy for everyone to read.

Don't post entire messages in text speak – it's ok to shorten some words but not everyone understands text speak or finds it easy to read.

It's ok to post links to other websites as long as they're relevant to the "This Is Abuse" debate and don't break the house rules in any way.

Don't break copyright rules. This means that you shouldn't post text you didn't write.