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This is ABUSE

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Tell us what you think about abuse in relationships

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An expert from Young People’s Services – AVA – is reading and responding to posts on the site, to ensure that responses are independent, sensitive and helpful.

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Results: 210 - 225 of 2152

  • Claire

    12/03/2014

    I don't know where to start and unsure if this is abuse or not. I am in a gay relationship and have been for a few years.I feel trapped isolated and alone. There are two sets of rules. One for me and one for my partner.
    My partner I believe has become controlling over who I see who I measage and who I have contact with. It is deemed that if I have friends then there is ulterior motive as my world involving friends and my partner should never come together yet it is ok the other way around. My family and friends have stopped messaging or calling me as they know it will cause grief for me. My boss at work is aware of the personal pressure and has been great but I feel I am letting everyone down. I can't use my phone without being questioned or accused of seeing someone or deleting evidence. If I check or respond to a message then I am told I am on my phone all day. Literally I just read or reply to one message. It makes me feel I shouldn't reply to messages as I shouldn't be on my phone yet my partner is rarely off their phone? It confuses me because I don't know what I am allowed or what is right. We clash over the kids all the time because my partner feels I am far too strict and then moans when the kids don't do things for her. So if the children don't eat their meal I say they can't have sweeties where she will give them whatever they ask. The kids will even refuse my answer as they see her as the boss and not me. I get told off for things I think are stupid like giving the dog attention instead of her. I mean surely I can pet my dog? Or shouldn't I? I mean what is normal? My mail is opened and checked. If not opened then steamed open to view and resealed. I know because my partner lets slip the contents. Any parcels I get are opened. Anything addressed to me is for all to see. In regards to finances I have to account for what money I have and where
    It is from despite paying my share of household bills childcare bills and such. Shouldn't pot of cash left over be mine or hers or both? I have never gone joint money wise I always assumed that if joint bills were paid what is left pays my debt only... Is this wrong? How does it work with friends? I have written 2 good friends out of my life. One since school. My partner believes you start as you mean to go on so if you have no friends and no social life that is how it stays. I went to uni and met a friend. But can't see them. Surely one meets new people as you go through life new relationships so can I be friends or is this deemed as going back on what was agreed as my partner says at the start of our relationship? Despite that she meets new people and forges new friendships? I am so confused as it is very different for her than it is to me yet she constantly tells me I control her and asks if she can have tv on or do x y or z. I tell her it is up to her not me yet she then makes some snotty remark. I feel a train wreck. I can't wait until my partner is at work to let my hair down and cry. I feel trapped. It has been physical. But it is okay i am making it out to be more than it was as only a shove a push and a slap. But she dragged me across the room threw me on floor and slapped me twice. And it hurt but I brought it on. She said I am a waste of space how can she be with a loser like me. Wasting time on me after all I have done to her. I feel I am to blame. I did this. Please am I going mad or is this person over stepping the mark. I have so many examples but feel I am going crazy. I can't leave due to kids and feel so isolated.

    Claire - 12/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Claire

      Thanks for your message, I am really glad you got in touch. What is happening to you is not ok and is very abusive both emotionally and physically. Also, I want to be clear that none of this is your fault.

      It must be really difficult and confusing right now, and I understand who things are more complicated because of the kids.

      The good news is you do not have to go through this alone, there are people who can help and you do have options.
      The best place to start is broken rainbow who are the national LGBT domestic abuse charity. They have a helpline and you can also email them or live chat.
      http://www.brokenrainbow.org.uk/
      0300 999 5428

      We also have a live chat every week night from 5-7pm.
      It is important that you tell people about what is happening so you can get support and stay safe. Remember that this is not your fault, you are being totally reasonable with your expectations about the relationship and you deserve to be treated with love and respect.

      I hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 14/03/2014

  • sjj

    12/03/2014

    Hey I've never normally done this sort of thing, but i have been on and off with my boyfriend for nearly three years now, he is sweet at heart but has a temper, he has never hit me nor do i think he would. But he scares me, when he gets angry he calls me names swears at me and makes me feel that everything is my fault. I try to tell him how i feel and he says i need to man up. Ive broken up with him 3 times and he comes back crying saying he loves me etc, but yet doesnt respect my views or feelings, he also always asks me for sexual pictures.... I love him but i feel trapped? Am i just being pathetic? Im not perfect i know i have done wrong but im dont know if im thinking to much

    sjj - 12/03/2014

    Reply
    • It is really confusing when you are in a relationship with someone who is sweet some of the time but scares you other times. Some of things you partner is doing scare you and he knows they scare you as you made that clear. You have ended this relationship on a number of occasions because of this and yet this continues to happen. It is not OK for one person to intimidate another within a relationships.

      No one is perfect but no-one should be scared by the person they are having relationship with. You might want to talk about his more and the Men's Advice Line would be a good place contact. They are really easy to talk too Their number is 0808 801 0327 they are open Mon-Fri 9-5

      Neil

      This is Abuse team - 14/03/2014

  • Brian

    12/03/2014

    Hi,
    I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now and i'm starting to get a little worried. About 8 months ago, we had our first time together (sex). We both wanted to and I kept asking her before hand to make sure that she was sure herself that she wanted to.

    Anyway, we ended up agreeing and one thing went to another. But I started to get worried because since that day, my girlfirend is always asking me to be 'controlling' of her. She is always asking me and telling me that she wants me to be controlling of what she wears and what she does, at first I thought it might of just been some little fase she was going through and I ignored it, but it carried on.

    Now, she will wear tight shorts and short tops, and then tell me to have a go at her and tell her to put something more covering on.

    There has even been times when she has asked me to hit her.... I've never done any of this at any point, but im starting to get really worried about it, I try telling her that the things she's asking me to do are not normal, but she just carries on asking me.

    I've even tried talking to her about her past realtionships ive been that worried and I have a feeling that she may of been in an abusive relationship before I met her.

    What can I do?

    Brian - 12/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Brian

      Thank you for your message, you are right to be concerned. It is very unusual for someone to request that their partner is abusive or controlling to them and I am very glad that you have not done so.

      You may be right that she has experienced abuse in the past although this is still an unusual response but abuse affects people in very different ways and it can take a long time to recover.

      It sounds like you are doing the right thing and being supportive. Perhaps you can show her this website and explain why you are worried. We have a live chat service every week night from 5-7pm. Maybe you could see if she wants to come on here and talk to us confidentially?

      It is important that you do not give in and respond abusively to her, just keep being supportive. It may also help for you to talk to someone though as this must be really hard for you to cope with. Are you able to talk to friends or family or someone else you trust like a tutor or doctor?

      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 14/03/2014

  • MC

    12/03/2014

    About a year ago, I was in a relationship with someone I really loved. But then everything went wrong and he started becoming obsessive and controlling. He wouldn't let me be with my friends, he demanded my Facebook password to read my messages and text messages, he kinda threw me about like I was a doll and sometimes touch inappropriately without my permission. I ended the relationship but we have remained friends because we are still at school and thought it would maybe be easier to be friends since we will see each other every day. But even now, he wants to see my messages and still sometimes touch when I don't want him to. I just can't wait to leave school in a few months then I won't have to see him again. Before, I didn't realise that the relationship was abuse. I realise now and I really wish I had done something about it at the time

    MC - 12/03/2014

    Reply
    • Dear MC,

      Thanks for posting here. What’s happened to you is definitely abusive and I am really pleased you’ve seen it for what it is.

      You mention that you are not together any more, but he is still using abusive behaviours towards you. Checking your messages and touching you without consent are absolutely not okay.

      I think it would be a really good idea to talk with someone about what is happening. Is there a teacher that you could confide in? One of your parents or another adult that you trust?

      You don’t mention how old you are but if you are over 16 you might want to call the National 24 hour domestic violence helpline on 0808 2000 247. If you are under 18 you could call a counsellor at Childline on 0800 1111.

      If you prefer you can chat with an advisor here on weekdays 5pm-7pm.

      I hope you do get some support with this.

      Take Care,

      Brian


      This is Abuse team 13/03/2014

  • Sam

    12/03/2014

    Hi

    I don't really know where to start here.

    I think i'm in an abusive relationship without the physical violence. Is that possible?

    Ive been in a same sex relationship for nearly 3 and a half years and at first it was good going. Me, her and her son would go out together, have fun, watch movies etc... it was all pretty good.

    For the past couple of years though, I feel like i've not been allowed to have friends, see family, work overtime or even wash my car it seems.

    I'll get straight to the point. One day, I was going to visit my dad for dinner as we always did on a Monday night. She wasn't too happy with this and at this point she was already in a bad mood with me for something or other. She accused me of cheating on her with someone from work, told me I was pathetic and that she didn't even know why she was with me. Fair enough, if she wanted to end the relationship that's fine. All she had to do is say.

    But the minute I told her I had to go and we would talk later she flew off the handle basically. She slammed the klitchen door so hard it made my fire alarms go off. Punched walls, doors and worktops and also screamed at me. I honestly thought she was going to swing for me but surprisingly enough, she didn't. I had to tell my neighbour if she did that again they were to call the police as I don't even know what she would have been capable of. To this day, she still hasn't apologised.

    So we split up for about 3 months. Then she apologised again, said she was stupid for doing that, swore it would never happen again etc. I stupidly believed her.

    Last night, she did the exact same thing. Right in front of her son this time. Her son was crying so much I thought he was going to be sick and I wasn't even allowed near him to comfort him (this also has an affect on her son in mental issues aswell but that's off topic). We had argued that day because I didn't know what to get up to since it was my day off. She was sleeping so I washed my car. As she woke up while I was still in the processes of washing my car, this is was unacceptable and I had to drop absolutely everything to please her. I was not willing to do that. I swore to myself I wouldn't be the victim again. So she invited me round that night and then it all kicked off. A

    So here I am now. Not knowing what to do.

    She's left me in huge debt since she moved out the first time, and also insinuated that she is suicidal. It's like a vicious circle. She argues and shouts at me, I leave, then she says sorry and goes suicidal.

    I'm honestly at my wits end. I just don't know how to get out of it, or what to do.

    I know there's more I could tell, but there's just not enough time in the day.

    Any help would be widely appreciated as it's affecting my work, social life and health.

    Thanks in advance.

    Sam - 12/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Sam,

      Thanks for your message. I’m sorry to hear that you’re having such a tough time at the moment. Abuse does not have to be physical there are many ways in which an abuser can control us such as emotional abuse. This type of abuse can be very difficult for victims to see the signs. Your partner sounds very controlling and insecure and although she hasn’t physically harmed you she is using bullying tactics to make you feel scared and worry that she may take her own life.
      I’m concerned that her child is witnessing this behaviour which is very damaging and can have an enormous impact on their mental health and physical development.

      I would suggest you contact Broken Rainbow who can offer advice and support to Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender victims of domestic abuse www.broken-rainbow.org.uk or help@brokenrainbow.org.uk they also have a helpline 0300 999 5428 which you can contact Mondays and Thursdays 10-8pm and Tuesdays and Wednesdays 10-5pm.

      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 13/03/2014

  • m

    12/03/2014

    i am 15 years old and have been in a relationship for over 2 years now with someone a bit older than me. ever since a month or so into the relationship i knew he was different. he cheated on me straight away, but i forgave him, but he then continued to do it 5 more times. it got to the point where our relationship was normal again, it was perfect. after meeting his family, i started to see what my boyfriend was really like. his family are alcoholics, they are violent, they swear and they don't get on. my boyfriend started getting angrier with me easily, he started mentally abusing me. every day he would say something nasty. due to how is family raised him he started physically hurting me, he slaps, bites, punches, strangles, all of it. if i ever hit him back he will hit me back ten times worse. in recent September he cheated on me once again, this caused me to overdose, and start hurting myself. i felt i couldn't live without him after spending almost every day with him. he means the world to me, i love him. but now his violence has come back worse, its daily that he abuses me now. i don't know what to do and i feel so low. i feel like i have nobody.

    m - 12/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi M,
      Thank you for your message. Your relationship is very abusive and I am concerned that your partners behaviour has made you feel so low that you have overdosed and have started to harm yourself. Please understand that what is happening to you is not your fault .
      I understand that you feel alone and have nobody but I strongly recommend that you speak to someone who can help you as it is highly likely that this abuse will continue and the violence will increase. You could contact www.womensaid.org.uk or contact the National Domestic Violence Helpline on (freephone) 0808 2000 247.
      We also have live chat sessions Mon-Fri 5-7pm.
      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 13/03/2014

  • Grace

    12/03/2014

    I was in a mentally abusive relationship for a year. It resulted in me trying to take my own life as I just couldn't see a way out, or any future for myself. I suffered the abuse from him daily whether it was in person or via texts. At the time I'd make excuses for him and even defend him, as I genuinely believed it was me that was the problem. I figured I deserved to be treated like that. I frequently found myself sitting, crying and having the most vile poisonous insults thrown at me. It sounds ridiculous but often I just wished he physically lash out at me and then walk away, rather than just drag out the verbal abuse day after day.
    That was over a year ago now. I've blocked him at all possible sources and have had so much help from a mental health team. I can now say the words "I wasn't the problem! HE was the problem!". On occasion he'll send an insulting text but its died out a lot. I'm so much stronger now, his words don't affect me at all anymore, it's a powerful feeling. There's still a lot of work for me to do to get fully well but I'm persevering with it. I NEVER want to be in that place again. My ambition now is to try and help other victims of domestic abuse. No one should ever have to go through it!

    Grace - 12/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Grace,
      Thank you for sharing your story. I’m saddened to hear that you felt so low that you didn’t think there was any other way out other than suicide. Many victims who experience emotional abuse go on to have some form of mental health issue due to the tactics their abusers have used to control them. I’m glad to hear that you found the right support you needed and that you had the strength to cut ties with your abuser.
      Abuse is never the victims fault and for anyone who needs advice and support I would recommend they contact www.womensaid.org.uk or the National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247.
      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 13/03/2014

  • lucy jenkins

    12/03/2014

    I've been in a relationship for 2 years now and we have a baby together. Since being pregnant things changed. My boyfriend would call me ugly and fat and when he would get angry he would either throw me to the floor, push my head down into a quilt and other stuff. He claims he does it all because of me. He says I moan a lot and that's what makes him do the things he does. We argued the other day unfortunately in front of our little boy and he almost threw me into him. I want to be with him as we have a family but I just can't put up with this anymore. If its not physical abuse its always verbal abuse

    lucy jenkins - 12/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lucy,
      Thanks for your message. It is very common for domestic abuse to start during pregnancies this is mainly due to your attention been taken away from the them and focusing on yourself and your unborn child. Abusers tend to start off with emotional abuse in order to make us feel worthless which really affects our self-esteem. I’m worried to her that your son had witnessed this abuse and if he continues to see you being abused it can have damaging effects on this physical and emotional development.
      I would suggest you contact your local domestic abuse service or contact www.womensaid.org.uk for advice and support. You can also contact the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247.
      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 13/03/2014

  • SA

    11/03/2014

    Last year I was in a relationship with a guy that constantly upset me and made me feel worthless and small, to which now I realise, was so that I would be too weak to reject him when he wanted to have sex, he said I was stupid and frigid for not wanting to when I said I didn't want to. Only a few people know and I really struggle with it sometimes, I left the relationship eventually but he still tries to make me feel horrible even now and unfortunately I have to see him nearly every day. I'm still at school and just trying to finish my last year or so. Just feeling really low still. I'm constantly thinking if I have made a mistake to not press charges.

    SA - 11/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi,
      Thanks for your message. Many people who abuse us will start with emotional abuse making us feel worthless like you say. Everyone has the right to say no to sex and should not feel forced into anything that they don’t want to do. Legally you have to be 16 years to have sex. I would recommend you contacting www.rapecrisis.org.uk or call the national helpline 0808 802 9999 who can offer advice and support to victims including specific advice for under 18’s.
      We offer live chat sessions Mon-Fri 5-7pm if you want to come and chat.
      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 12/03/2014

  • Sarah

    11/03/2014

    I really love my boyfriend. He has a temper at times and gets inside my head and can make me feel stupid and worthless. :( I'm so sad because I love him completely. The other night we argued and I know I'm not innocent and can say things I know gets him annoyed but he said he wanted to kill me and punch my face, head but me and kill me. He doesn't mean it but I'm scared of him. He does physically hurt me but not often. I really love him but I'm scared of him and I don't want to be scared of him. :(

    Sarah - 11/03/2014

    Reply
    • Thanks for your message. Your partner is very abusive towards you both emotionally and physically. No one has the right to treat someone this way and please do not blame yourself for your partners actions. Domestic abuse is NEVER the victims fault even though many victims often blame themselves and say that they push their partners buttons. I know that it can be very difficult and confusing to work out why someone we love is hurting us and what it is we should do.
      I would recommend you contacting www.womensaid.org.uk or call them on their freephone number 0808 2000 247. We also have live chat session Mon-Fri 5-7pm.
      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 12/03/2014

  • Rose

    11/03/2014

    I have been with my boyfriend for three years, and last weekend he had quite a lot to drink. When we got back home (we planned to have a nice night in watching films with a takeaway even though he'd been drinking all day) he practically fell straight to sleep which had annoyed me a lot. Then a few hours later he sprawled across the bed, and my typical reaction was just to push him off telling him to move over as he was squashing me, but then he was forcing his body down so I couldn't move him off me so I said to him "Can you get off?", I was still struggling to get him off me as it was really uncomfortable and he just sat up and started repeatedly punching me. He was doing it so much it got to the point where I had to scream to get him off me. When I ran up off the bed, he just turned over and went to sleep as if nothing happened. At the moment he is being the dream boyfriend, continuously telling me he's sorry and that he loves me, although I know everyone will ask - how can he do that to you if he loves you? The only thing that's stopping me walking away is he has never done this in the three years we have been together and he was very drunk, and the fact he just turned over and went to sleep after makes it obvious to me he was in a different state of mind. I haven't really written on here for advice, I just felt like I needed to tell someone anonymous, because I keep looking at the bruises on my arm and it reminds me of it constantly. This subject is forever on my mind since it happened, and I don't want to leave him but I want to make it very clear to him I don't want it to happen again.

    Rose - 11/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Rose,
      Thanks for your message. Alcohol is never a reason for someone’s actions it is an excuse, how many people did your partner come into contact while he was out? Did he attack any of those? Chance is that he didn’t therefore why wait till he came home to you? It sounds as though this incident has really shaken you and I know that you don’t want to end the relationship but I would recommend you looking at www.womensaid.org.uk where you will find information.
      I would also suggest that you speak with your partner again if its safe to do so and make it clear how his behaviour has effected you. Your partner might want to think about seeking some support for himself.
      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 12/03/2014

  • NW

    11/03/2014

    Hey everyone,
    I have previously wrote on here under the name ?
    At the time I was stuck in a abusive,mentally and physical relationship at the time I was finding a way out I turned to this is abuse for help, it took me a few months but I built up enough courage to get out of it and I have been free of my ex since October last year I feel a weight has been lifted and I can now be myself.

    I spent three years with my "ex" from the age of 15, he was 17 first year everything seemed fine to me, I was blinded but there was the odd you can't do that. The next two years were the worse, I was unable to see or talk to my friends, I wasn't allowed to family parties just incase there was boys there, I wasn't allowed to work with any boys being in my work that was something had to do as I was a team leader managing groups of people, I head to tell him every boy I worked with , he had my facebook password, email password and constantly checked my phone, if anything didn't go his way I would be in the receiving end of his fist, if a boy inboxed me I would get grabbed up against the wall by my neck , he would spit at me. The final straw was the punch in my face and him telling me I couldn't go out with my mum for my birthday. All this time I spent with him I wasn't allowed out, but he was he had three different social networking sites all secret to me, constantly talking to girls. He would call me a cheating fat slag if I said I. Can't take it no more he said he would tell my dad I sleep around and that real reason we broke up! He said he change but people like him never do ! He manipulated me into something that wasn't me .i was so alone unable to tell my family how bad he had got because they would hate me and I wasn't strong enough to leave, this is abuse helped me read others that was going through similar situations and made me realise that what he was doing was so wrong I didn't deserve it, it's knowing when your ready and strong enough to leave.

    NW - 11/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi NW

      It is great to hear from you again. I am so pleased to hear that you managed to safely leave such an abusive relationship and that the site helped you to do that. Reading through other people's posts on here can help you to realise you are not alone and that there is help and support out here.

      I hope that you are feeling ok now, if you do ever need it you know that you can access support anytime, as sometimes the impact of abuse can last a long time and affect us in ways we may not expect. The help pages on here will give you ideas of how to get help should you need it,

      thank you for sharing your story,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 11/03/2014

  • Lucy Richards

    10/03/2014

    i have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. we have a one year old together.
    he wont let me go anywhere that involves men. he never has i just stupidly chose to stay with him,just thinking it was a phase but it still happens now. i am not allowed to wear what he calls revealing clothes,i am already dreading summer. he forces me to have sex with him just,if i say no he shouts at me all night telling me what a crap girlfriend i am so i give in just keep the peace.
    i have hit him when my baby was very young because if a built up of frustration but have not since. he said he will hurtt a member of my family if i end it

    Lucy Richards - 10/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Lucy,
      Thanks for getting in touch. I’m sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time. Your relationship is emotionally and sexually abusive. Many people think that if they are in a relationship then they should never say no to sex. This is not true, everyone has the right to say no to sex even if it’s with our partner and if we are forced into having sex then this is rape.
      Leaving an abusive relationship is very hard for victims to do and more so when there is children involved. However there are services who can offer advice and support such as www.womensaid.org.uk or you can contact the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (freephone 24hrs).
      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 11/03/2014

  • Laura

    10/03/2014

    I have been in a relationship for 9 years. We got engaged last year although we haven't started planning yet. My partner can have a short temper and will often get cross with me for little things. Until now I have put up with it because I dislike confrontation. I have always had low self-esteem and used to be incredibly shy, and still can be a bit of a doormat- he will get angry because I don't stand up to friends and because of how I let my family take advantage. I thought was fine because I can see that it upsets him when people treat me badly and it shows he cares about me. The other night after we had both been drinking we got into an argument over family matters and he got incredibly angry with me, calling me names. We had friends staying so I couldn't simply leave the room and we are living abroad so I have nowhere else to go. This outburst scared me - although he wasn't really physically aggressive I felt scared, and got so upset that I had a panic attack. This seemed to make him realise what he was doing and he was then very upset and becoming increasingly distraught, trying to calm me down and saying how sorry he is and ashamed of himself. At the time (it was very late and we had been drinking) I did eventually calm down from hyperventilating and he seemed genuinely shocked at his actions. He was even more upset when I said I thought he was going to hurt me, and broke down. Now I don't know what to do because I love him and he has never been like this before, it is very out of character but I worry that it will happen again and I should have seen it coming (if it did happen again I would leave and I have said this quite categorically). I'm feeling confused because I'm not sure what to do- on one hand I know that it is not normal for him to be like this and alcohol was a factor. On another, I know that a person has to have the capacity for this kind of behaviour and therefore alcohol is no reason for it. And in the back of my mind is remembering actual abuse victims stories and how often they say that it begun in this way and they should have seen it before. And then I feel terrible to be thinking about my partner in this way and am I being unreasonable? He is a wonderful partner most of the time and before this incident I couldn't wait to marry him. Now I have a little voice in my head saying he can't be trusted.

    Laura - 10/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Laura,
      Thanks for your message. It seems as though you have not felt comfortable speaking out about your partner’s behaviour and have minimised this as him having a short temper, yet this is the very same thing your partner gets angry with you over for you not standing up to family and friends. Therefore he should recognise his behaviour as being unhealthy and hurtful towards you. Alcohol is never an excuse when it comes to domestic abuse no matter if you had also been drinking.
      Many abusive relationships start off with verbal or emotional abuse which can really affect ort self-esteem and over time it is highly likely that this abuse will escalate into physical abuse. There are times when abusers will be the perfect partner and make us feel special however this never lasts and they often change back into the old controlling ways. The fact that your felt scared and your reaction resulted in a panic attack is really worrying and I suggest that you contact www.womensaid.org.uk or contact the National Domestic Helpline 0808 2000 247 who will be able to offer you advice and support.
      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 11/03/2014

  • kash

    10/03/2014

    Married someone who had been abused at the age of 16-25. His abuser befriended his whole family including me (the wife). If you ever saw her you would never imagine her doing anything bad. She blackmailed him, and would not let him get married or have a relationship, yet she herself was married, had 2 kids and in the the eyes of the world led a very normal life.

    We got married (arranged) and she'd come round and dress like me to get him back. He turned to drink, drugs, and took it all out on me. He wanted sex 4/5 times a day and drove me crazy. He didn't tell me until we split up.

    What worries me now is that this lady is working in a primary school somewhere? I know where she lives, and she needs help? He needs help too. Where do we go?

    kash - 10/03/2014

    Reply

    • Hi Kash,

      Thanks for getting in touch. I’m sorry to hear that you’re ex partner has experienced such abuse. Many people think that abuse can only happen to women but males can also be victims and be effected just the same. Domestic abuse is traumatic to deal with and for many males they feel isolated and unaware of any support services available to them. You need to continue to offer your support and your ex-partner needs to make the decisions in what he feels he should do.
      I would suggest your ex-partner contact www.mensadviceline.org.uk who will be able to offer him advice and support.
      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 11/03/2014

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