This is ABUSE

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Experts from Young People’s Services of Respect and AVA are reading and responding to posts on the site, to ensure that responses are independent, sensitive and helpful.

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Results: 210 - 225 of 2244

  • anoncf


    hi, im 16 and with a girl the same age. We have a great relationship and she feels safe happy and i respect her a hell of a lot and she is wonderful to me. in the very early stages she kissed her ex boyfriend and someone else who she is friends with and it left me hurt and i felt betrayed, she told me the very next day and i forgave her for it but it has left me feeling very fragile and cagey, this has lead to me occaisionally getting riled up when she goes out with her friends because shes friends with loads of boys and they act really flirty and i dont like it, i dont control or try to stop her but i do occaisionally get mad, does this make me an abuser?

    anoncf - 13/04/2014

    • Hi Anoncf,

      Thank you for your message. It shows a lot of strength and self-awareness out reach out for a bit of support and I am pleased you have felt able to.

      It sounds like you are feeling out of control and jealous after your partner kissed someone else, and that you are behaving in ways you don’t feel comfortable with, like getting angry with your girlfriend and checking up on her. These behaviours can be seen as abusive, the fact that you have posted here shows that you are aware that whet you’re doing is not ok and you don’t want to be behaving in a way that upsets her.
      You might want to have a look at this leaflet that explored ways of managing jealousy.

      I would encourage you to contact the Respect phone line on 0808 802 40 40 if you are worried about your behaviour escalating. They are open Monday to Friday 9-5. You can talk to them about your feelings and they can point you towards further support in your area.

      You can also contact us using the live chat on this site 5-7 weeknights, if you want to talk about this a bit more.

      Take care,


      This is Abuse team 14/04/2014

  • zoe



    I dont have anyone to talk to about this so I wanted to get an educated opinion.. my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and we met and became close through our bond of drinking. It became a problem as we began to fight when we got drunk together, and it always seems to be me who starts it only if we are in social situations, never one on one, and when I blackout i start hitting him and kicking him and telling him how much I hate him. If he is drunk too he will hit me back adn we dont stop until someone starts bleeding or one of us runs away. We both love eachother very much and when we are sober have a good relationship and have tried many times to quit drinking but we always seem to go to social gatherings/raves/parties at bars and getting really drunk and beating eachother up. I love him so much but I know its me who starts it and I dont think he deserves this at all, he should have a girlfriend who can go out with him and get drunk and I apparently cant. I dont want to break up with him or lose him.. But this has been happening for a year and I cant take it anymore. We cant seem to stop drinking together but I cant imagine my life without him. We have elaborate goals for the next 10 years of our lives together. Id be so lost without him..

    zoe - 12/04/2014

    • Hi Zoe,

      Thanks for coming forward to talk about what has been happening for you and your partner. There are some really complex issues here.

      It seems like you are in quite a vicious cycle of violence and alcohol use and it seems like both of these need to be addressed. I understand that you have tried to address your drinking, but it seems like you are going to need to change your lifestyle if you are going to be able to address this.

      However, it will take a huge amount of commitment, but there are a lot of services out there that can help you address these issues. You could find your local alcohol service through your GP or your local council.

      There are also huge concerns that your partner and you are both using violence. This is putting you both at huge risk, and under the influence of alcohol it is worrying how violent you or your partner could be, and this is putting both of your lives in danger.

      There is a lot of information for both you, and your partner at You can also call the on 0808 802 4040.

      It is really vital that you both get some help to address what is happening.

      Good luck,


      This is Abuse team - 15/04/2014

  • anon


    I think my mum may be in a controlling relationship because when her friends as her to come out she makes exuses such as we have plans or he wants to goout and when she reads her texts he llooks at em and rarely asks what shes gonna pyt and shes getting to the point where she hands her phone to him to read the messages. is she in a controlling relationship? ?

    anon - 12/04/2014

    • Hi
      Thanks for your message. It must be really hard to be worried about your mum.
      It is not ok to read someone else's messages or to control them in any way. From what you have said it does sound like he is being quite controlling which is concerning.

      Have you spoken to her about this? Perhaps you can tell her (when you are alone) about this website? There are lots of places who can help if she wants to get some support. I am not sure where you live but if you search online for the name of the nearest town to you and 'domestic violence support' you should find details. You can also search here:

      It can be really hard worrying about other people we care about, and what is happening is not your responsibility so you may want to talk to someone yourself if this is upsetting you.

      I hope this helps,
      take care

      This is Abuse team - 14/04/2014

  • Hannah


    Hello. I'm currently in a relationship and I am desperate to get out. We have been together for nearly 2 years and have an 8 month old baby together. I got pregnant very quickly after we got together and feel that the only reason why are together still is because of the baby. Unfortunately he has a hold over me and physically won't let me go. I have tried leaving him on several occasions but he always uses physical means to stop me. He threatens me, calls me names and has physically abused me several times. I'm currently suffering from a swollen face and ear from being pinned down and having him crush the side of my face. I do not want to leave my baby with him but have nowhere to go to get away. He doesn't want me to leave the house without him. He kicked the bathroom door down to get to me today. All of this is infront of our baby. When I say I want to leave him he begs me to stay and tells me how much he needs me.
    I don't know what to do. I need to get out but i am scared for me and my baby.

    Hannah - 11/04/2014

    • Hi Hannah
      I am really glad you got in touch, what you are going through is very serious and very dangerous. You are right to be concerned for you and your baby.

      I know it is hard but it is really important that you tell someone. Do you have a health visitor that you see? Are you ever able to be alone with them? Have you gone to the doctors or A&E for your injuries? I am concerned that you need to get medical help now. If you do, perhaps you can talk to someone there? I understand that he does not let you leave the house so perhaps you are not able to get the help you need.

      What about family or friends? Are you in contact with anyone else you can tell? Does he leave the house at all so you can have space to call someone or the police?
      In case you are able to, the national domestic violence helpline number is 0808 2000 247. They are open 24 hours a day and can give you advice and tell you about local services. You could get a place in a refuge where he will not be able to find you.

      I know this all feels very scary and overwhelming, but you have done the right thing in looking for help. It may be a good idea to not tell him you are planning on leaving as this can make the abuse increase. If you can get support from a service they will be able to help you leave safely. You do not have to cope with this alone, there is help and support out here. None of this is your fault.

      If you are able, we have a live chat service every mon-fri between 5-7pm.
      I hope this helps,
      take care

      This is Abuse team - 14/04/2014

  • Laila


    Hi there,

    I have a question: when I was about 19 (a couple of years ago now), I had a sexual encounter with this guy who I was living with (it was a house share so there were 7 other people living there). I was *very* drunk- like, on the way home (we had all gone out together) my head was lolling out of the taxi. He was being very forward and clearly coming on to me, but went back to his room when I went upstairs to go to the toilet. When I came down, I went to his room myself. So, I put myself into the situation, but I seem to remember being unsure and expressing that I wasn't sure I wanted to go ahead when he started initiating sex. I kept blacking out and barely remember anything- even whether he had a condom on or not (next morning I took the morning after pill just to be sure). After he finished, I remember him saying that he was worried what our other housemates would think if they found out- that they might think it was wrong of him. It's also worth mentioning that he was basically sober throughout this encounter.

    Basically, my question is this: if I went to his room myself and basically put myself in the situation- maybe even looked like I was initially saying yes to having sex, just by my body language or something, but at the same time was obviously *very* drunk and not myself at all, does that class as rape? I'm very uncertain. I definitely didn't feel like it had been entirely consensual the next morning, but thought it was probably my fault because I put myself in the situation.

    And finally- does coercion count as rape?

    Thank you!

    Laila - 10/04/2014

    • Dear Laila,

      Thanks for your post. It sounds as though you already feel that happened was not okay.

      If you were too drunk you couldn’t consent to sex. Going to someone’s room is not in itself consenting to sex either and certainly doesn’t make what happened your fault. I think it would be good to talk this through with an advisor at Rape Crisis on 0808 802 9999.

      Coercion, i.e. harassing someone, intimidating them, threatening or in some other way pressurising them into sex takes away their freedom to consent. If someone is coerced into sex they are not freely agreeing to sexual intimacy (consenting).

      I really hope you decide to give the number above a call and talk this through.

      Take Care,

      This is Abuse team 10/04/2014

  • Hannah



    I'm 17 and the other day i was at a party and had been drinking throughout the night, I ended up sleeping in the same bed as a guy I knew but didn't really mind cause there was limited space and i just wanted to sleep. I woke up in the night with him having his arms over me and touching me i didn't really say anything. Then he started kissing me and touching all over my body I didn't do anything to stop it but I didn't really like it either and I was shaking a lot. I just wanted to know if this is ok and what I should have done.

    Hannah - 09/04/2014

    • Hi Hannah,

      Thanks for getting in touch.

      No matter how much you have had to drink, you can never be responsible for the way somebody else behaves. He had no right to touch you whilst you slept next to him, and if he touched you in a sexual way then this would be deemed sexual assault.

      For somebody to touch you like that, then they must have your consent. You must physically tell them yes, and you did not do this in this case.

      It must have been scary for you, have you talked to anybody about what happened? It might be helpful to talk through your experience of what happened. We are running live chat on the website Monday to Friday 5pm until 7pm. You could also contact Rape Crisis on 0808 802 9999.

      If you are concerned about what happened then you can tell the Police on 101.

      None of this is your fault, so I hope you take the time to talk it over.

      Take care,


      This is Abuse team - 09/04/2014

  • Lin


    I've been married for 25 years and during that time my husband has been verbally abusive and controlling including over having sex. He often takes my phone or ipad away if he thinks I'm using it too much, tells me when I should go to bed at night, moans when I see my friends, calls me lazy, wants to know where I am all the time and can often phone my mobile several times a day. Tries to blame me for everything and has hit me once a few years ago. A lot of the time he can be pleasant but has a habit of watching what I'm doing all the time and if I disappear from the room he will come looking for me. I don't feel as if I love him anymore but not sure I'm ready to leave at the moment. We have 3 grown up children.

    Lin - 07/04/2014

    • Dear Lin,

      Thank you for your message. It takes a lot of strength to make the first step towards getting support, which is what you have done today by posting here. You don’t have to cope on your own with what is happening to you.

      You are in a domestically abusive relationship with your husband. Through critisism, , control, violence and sexual abuse he has made you feel that you are unable to leave him, even though his behaviour is making you feel unhappy and trapped. You have been in a relationship a long time, and it’s understandable that you may feel that you are not ready to end that relationship. However, you have gone through a lot and you deserve some support to help you recover from what you have experienced, and cope with the abuse you are still experiencing.

      Do you have anyone you could speak to in your life? Family or friends? If not I would encourage you to call the 24 -hour domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247. You can speak to them about how you are feeling and what options you could take. You are very isolated at the moment so no wonder you feel trapped. If you have some support you will feel less daunted. They will also be able to give you advice about the financial aspects of the relationship. You can also look on this website for more information.

      You also say that your husband has been controlling about sex. Do you mean that you have been forced into sex that you have not wanted? If this is the case, that is rape and is a serious crime. If you want to access support for this you can call Rape Crisis. They are an organisation that works with women who have experienced sexual violence. You can reach them on 0808 802 9999 (12-2.30pm, 7-9:30pm). It’s confidential and is a safe place to talk about what happened to you. and maybe identify more suitable and specialist support in your area.

      Take care,


      This is Abuse team 07/04/2014

  • Not Nightingale


    Hello there,

    First of all, thank you for having such a wonderful system for helping out people who are victims or potential victims of abusive relationship.

    It is no excuse but I am a human, so I do have flaws. I am a clumsy person that drops things on the floor, especially when I am excited. So my boyfriend will react to it when I am being clumsy or generally showing my flaws. He will call me a failure of life and tell me that all the reasons of him being this way to me is because of my flaws. I tried to change them, really, but bad habits die hard. He will then stop talking to me and just ignore me altogether when I did something wrong, he calls this 'a way for him to complain' as I don't take in any advice.

    I am not sure what to do anymore. I love him a lot, I don't think I am too much of a failure in my life but I feel lack of confidence due to what he said. I have flaws and those flaws has caused his reaction upon me. When he is not angry he is a sweet person but when he is angry I don't like it. I tried telling him about it but he said that I am overreacting, there are a lot of things that are my own decision and I can't back out from my own decision. He called me stupid and being a liar as I back out from my own decisions.

    He is a real sweetheart when he is not angry, really. He will buy me gifts and shower me with a lot of physical and emotional affections. When he is angry, he is scary. I don't want him to be angry.

    I am not sure what to do anymore. Maybe it is my fault. I will love to have some advice, sorry that if it is too vague for any indication.

    Thank you and have a nice day.

    Not Nightingale

    Not Nightingale - 06/04/2014

    • Hello Not Nightingale,

      Thanks for your message. First of all every single person has flaws this is nothing to be embarrassed of it simply makes us the people who we are. In a healthy relationship this would not be an issue, a partner would support us and offer encouragement to make changes if we wanted to.
      However your relationship sounds abusive. Many abusers will often blame us for their actions and use blame as a way to justify their behaviour. This can leave us feeling worthless and have a damaging affect on out emotional well-being.
      Many abusers can seem loving at times but again this is all part of their control over us. When they are kind it gives us hope they will one day change. Victims can be showered in gifts from their abusers but this is simply to ease their conscience because they know their actions towards us are wrong.
      It is important that you know domestic abuse is never your fault. The blame lies solely with your partner.
      Abuse very often starts off emotionally but can quickly escalate to physical/sexual abuse.
      I would recommend you contact your local domestic abuse service or who can offer advice and support. There is also a National Freephone Helpline 0808 2000 247.

      Take care

      This is Abuse team 07/04/2014

  • Katie


    I have recently split up with my boyfriend of two years, mutual-ish circumstances. He loved and adored me and I know he wouldn't hurt me - However, after reading this website from coming across the advert on Youtube, I am now feeling a bit confused and weird...on many occasions he asked to have sexual intercourse with me...I didn't want to, he kept asking...I submitted, not enjoying it one bit, is this abuse, as I think he was unaware that I didn't want it...but he did keep asking and I know he loves it still abuse or? Confused, thanks! If it is, how do I stop feeling like this...I feel a little bit worried and funny inside.

    Katie - 06/04/2014

    • Hi Katie,

      Thank you for getting in touch. Everyone has the right to say no to sex, in any situation. It makes no difference if we have given consent in the past we should still be able to say no and our wishes be respected. If we feel pressurised or forced into sex then this is rape and against the law.
      I can understand how confusing this can be for you. I would recommend you contact who can provide advice and support to you. You can also contact the National Helpline for sexual violence on 0808 808 9999 (12-2.30, 7-9.30pm)

      Take care

      This is Abuse team 07/04/2014

  • Esme


    me and my girlfriend have been going out for a while and we did some stuff and now it like she always want to do stuff is this a abuse she also checks my phone every day can there be abuse in a homosexual relationship

    Esme - 05/04/2014

    • Dear Amy,

      Thank you for your message. I can hear just how confused you are feeling at the moment and I am pleased you have felt strong enough to post here, the way your partner is treating you is not ok and you don’t have to cope on your own. Abuse can happen in relationships in homosexual relationships as well as heterosexual relationships. It’s still abuse and it’s not ok.

      The things you describe in your message are abuse. Your girlfriend is pressuring you into sexual activity that you don’t want and is checking your phone. You should not be forced in to doing things you do not want to do, even if you have done them before. Neither should anyone be monitoring who you are in contact with or what you are doing. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect and that isn’t the way your girlfriend is treating you.

      Have you been able to talk about what is happening with anyone in your life, such as family or friends? The more people you have supporting you the easier it will be for you to know what you want to do next. If you don’t feel able to talk to anyone in your life you can call Broken Rainbow on 0300 999 5428, they are a LBGT domestic violence helpline open Mon – Thursday 10am until 8pm and on Wednesday 10am until 5pm. You can speak to them in confidence about what is happening and you can discuss your options with them.

      We have live chat 5-7 weeknights if you would like to talk about this more with one of our advisors.

      Take care,


      This is Abuse team 07/04/2014

  • Anonymous


    A year and a half ago my partner lost his job and someone phoned social services and spread a disgusting lie all this kind of shunned his confidence and he started withdrawing from his children and me he stopped talking to me about thing and problems let money troubles get put of control and put me down about things at every opertunity he had the he hurt me once and then months later hurt me again i just put this down to a massive rows we had but he never hurt me before he bottled everything up then the other night we argued and he put his hand over my mouth and nose violently because of an argument it is the first time i have properly feared him even when he has done it before we have been together 11year and in a year and half feel like he is not the same person any more he also asks for sex constantly everything has to lead back to a conversation about sex it makes me feel cheap and unloved as this is the only time he is nice although my partner doesn't see this it effects our children they are unhappy the problem is i think it is depression and he has never had it treated i try talk but we ain't aloud to talk about important things i want to stay with him and understand the things he does is abuse but how do i get him some help i cant stay strong forever

    Anonymous - 04/04/2014

    • Dear Anonymous,

      Thank you for your message. It’s hard to talk about the fears you have about your partner and takes a lot of courage to do so. I’m pleased you have shared what is happening to you here, as it sounds like you need some support for what is happening.

      All the things you describe in your message are very concerning. Your partner is being physically abusive to you and has behaved in a way that has made you frightened for your safety. He is also being sexually abusive towards you, which is making you feel cheapened. You say a lot in your message about getting support for him, but it sounds from what you write that you might be the person that needs some help, as you are coping with a lot. You have the pressure of being a mother and trying to support your children and the effects the abuse is having on them, whilst dealing with your partner’s abusive behaviour to you. What he is doing is not ok, and he is choosing to act in the way that he does. You cannot change his behaviour unless he seeks support from a specialist domestic abuse prevention program. But this would be something he would have to do himself.

      Have you spoken to anyone in your life about the abuse you are suffering? If you don’t feel you can talk about this with anyone you know you can call the national domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247. You may also want to call Rape Crisis, they work with women and girls who have experienced sexual violence and are open 12-2.30 & 7-9.30 every day. You can reach them on 0808 802 9999. The more support you have the easier it will be for you to decide what to do next. If your partner is attacking you and stopping you from breathing, it sounds like you are in danger at the moment. You can call 999 if you are being hurt, or frightened you are about to be hurt. What your boyfriend is doing is illegal.
      You may also want to look at this website for support in your area.

      You say you want to stay with your partner, but you want him to seek help to stop him being abusive. Is this something you feel you could talk to him about? If so you could direct him to the Respect Phoneline. They are open 9-5 Monday to Friday and you can reach them on 0808 802 40 40.

      We also have a live chat weekdays 5-7 if you would like to speak to one of our team.
      Take care,

      This is Abuse team 04/04/2014

  • El


    When I was 13 I went out with this boy who was 16 and I went out with him one day and he took me to a field and said it was a short cut to his house and he asked me for sex I said yes because I got scared and felt pressured then after a while I no longer wanted to carry on having sexual intercourse with him and pushed him away but as I stood up and tried to put my trousers back on he pushed me down to the floor and chucked my leggings across the field then pinned me down fourcing himself on to me I was screaming trying to tell him to get off me but he wouldn't listen he had my arms pinned down really hard so I couldn't move or try get up I kicked and screamed but he wouldn't get off after a while i felt hopeless and couldn't fight back any more so I just laid there and cried begging him to stop as soon as he saw me crying he got off and run away I tried to get up and find my clothes as soon as I dressed my self I tried to get away but he came back and told me the police was round the corner so he pushed me into a ditch and loads of nettles by now he ripped all my leggings I crawled out and ran across a field and tried to get home as fast as I could! I didn't tell anyone for weeks and then my family finally found out but my mum didn't believe me she thought I was just scared I'd get done for having sex under age and just said that to get out of it so I lied to the police and said nothing happened because I felt like nobody believed me. I'm now 15 and suffer depression and every night I'm laid in bed trying to fall asleep and I start to have flash backs and can see images of him at the end of my bed it got so bad I started to self harm I've stopped self harming but I still get images of him and have flash backs it's starting to really effect me because I have a boyfriend who I've been with 5 month and sometimes cry if we're play fighting or if he touches me!! I can't cope any more it's getting me down so much I just need a little help and someone to help me get through this I've struggled with this on my own for 2 year I feel like this will never end and I will never be able to enjoy my life he's always going to be here in my life...

    El - 03/04/2014

    • Hi El,

      It must have been really traumatic for you, and it is understandable that it is still having an effect on you now. What happened is not acceptable, and was illegal. It was not your fault.

      I'm sorry that you felt you had to lie to the Police, they would have helped bring some justice to what happened. And it must feel horrible to feel that your family don't support you.

      I think it would be really helpful for you to contact a service and see if you could access some counselling. If you are under 16 then you can contact Childline on 0800 1111. You can also contact Rape Crisis on 0808 802 9999. They will be able to put you in contact with a local service that would be able to help you. You can also talk to us on Live Chat on the website Monday to Friday 5pm unit 7pm.

      Take care,


      This is Abuse team - 04/04/2014

  • anon


    my friend is pregnant and in abusive relationship. shes only 16. where can she go for help and how can i help her? will getting help/talking about it affect her keeping her child?

    anon - 03/04/2014

    • Reporting abuse will not make the social take the baby off her. If when the baby is born and is in danger and the mother does not get out they may ask her to leave the abuser to keep the baby safe, taking a child from it's mother is a last resort and they don't take the decision lightly. She should definitely seek help, she is much more vulnerable being pregnant and if you contact women's aid they can give her a safe place to go and some options to discuss with her the site is:
      It takes great courage and strength to leave an abuser.
      Hope this helps

      S - 04/04/2014

    • Hello Anon

      thanks for your message and I am sure you friend is grateful for your concern and the support you are offering her.

      There is quite a lot of support available if your friend wants to think about her options. If she is unsure about continuing with the pregnancy then she could contact The Brook Advisory Service ( They have a confidential helpline and the service is primarily so young people so the staff are well trained to offer her advice and support. The helpline number is 0808 8021234.

      However, it sounds like your friend may be committed to keeping her baby. Has she told anyone else she is pregnant yet? Hopefully her parents will be supportive but again if she is worried about telling them she could go to her local sexual health clinic as staff there could support her to do that. She will need as much emotional and practical support as she can get because she is young but most young teenage girls are excellent mothers if they are supported well so she shouldn't have anyone suggesting she is not capable of keeping her baby and looking after it. Emotional support is especially important because her relationship is abusive. Has she spoken to anyone about this - maybe an adult she trusts like a parent or teacher. Its really important now she is pregnant that both she and the baby are safe and well protected. There is a useful website for young people about healthy and non healthy relationships. perhaps she would like to look at it and see what she recognises in her won relationship and see how she feels about it especially when she now has to think about the baby too. Take a look at The national domestic violence helpline also offers advice to those in abusive relationships so she could call them for advice on 0808 2000 247. They would be able to tell her about local support services in her area for domestic abuse.

      Its also important that she registers early for ante natal care. Her GP can arrange this or the midwifery department at her local hospital.Some areas have a fantastic service called the Family Nurse partnership which is about supporting teenage parents but you have to get referred to them before sixteen weeks pregnant but if she is more than that ( and the service is in her area) still call as they would still be keen to help her. If you google Family Nurse partnership you should be able to see if there is one in your area.

      I hope that gives you some ideas. We run live chat sessions Mon -Fri 5 -7 so you could always encourage her to call us if you think that might help. Lastly, make sure you talk to someone too. It is hard to support a friend in an abusive relationship and you need to be looked after as well!

      Take care

      This is Abuse team 03/04/2014

  • jess


    My boyfriend always calls me names like 'dumb and a stupid little girl'. He is always horrible to me for no reason. Is this abuse?

    jess - 02/04/2014

    • Hello Jess

      Thanks for your message as what you are asking is something that confuses a lot of people. All relationships have good times and less good times and yes we may say hurtful things to our partner but probably only occasionally.

      What you seem to be describing is something that is more regular and said deliberately to put you down and make you feel bad about yourself and this most definitely is emotional abuse. I am not sure how old you are but there are two websites that you might find helpful to look at. One is Women's aid( and the other which is specifically for young people is Both websites have information on them about abuse including emotional abuse.

      Sometimes emotional abuse can lead on to physical abuse too. If you are scared in the relationship or want to know what support is available in your local are then call the National helpline on 0808 8000 247 as they will provide you with those details.

      I hope that helps a bit to start. We also have Live chat sessions Mon - Fri 5 -7 if it would help to chat more about this with one of us

      Take care

      This is Abuse team 03/04/2014

  • Jordan


    My uncle used to put his finger up my bum when i was 5... now i cant bare to get into a relationship... what do i do?

    Jordan - 02/04/2014

    • Hi Jordan,

      I'm sorry to hear that you have been sexually assaulted. This is never acceptable and an abuse of power.

      You could still report an incident such as this to the Police. You also may want to look at how you can keep yourself safe and distance yourself from your uncle.

      If you are struggling to have relationships because of what has happened then you might wish to seek some therapeutic support. You may wish to contact Survivors UK, a charity which works with men who have experienced sexual abuse and rape. Their telephone number is 0845 122 1201. They will also be able to link you in with local support services.

      Take care,


      This is Abuse team - 02/04/2014

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Please read and accept these rules below before commenting. All of the comments you post on this website are treated confidentially and moderated.

Stay safe – don't include any personal information in your comments, such as your surname, email address, street address and phone number.

Don't include the personal details of anyone else in your posts (including boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, guardians, teachers, social workers or group leaders).

Don't go off topic - keep your comments relevant to the "This Is Abuse" debate. People want their opinions to be heard – don't shout them down.

Don't post crude, racist, offensive, violent or vulgar messages to the site.

Treat everyone with respect – even if someone has a different view to your own, don't let it get personal.

Don't glamorise illegal or dangerous activities, including violence of any kind. It's ok to talk about your experiences but you shouldn't encourage others to do anything illegal or dangerous.

Don't write anything that's untrue about anyone else (including boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, guardians, teachers, social workers, group leaders and famous people). Don't write anything that could harm anyone else's reputation.

This isn't a dating site – it's a platform to talk about teenage relationship abuse and your opinions on the matter; don't use it to meet or flirt with other people.

Don't write everything in CAPS – it's the equivalent of shouting and isn't polite or easy for everyone to read.

Don't post entire messages in text speak – it's ok to shorten some words but not everyone understands text speak or finds it easy to read.

It's ok to post links to other websites as long as they're relevant to the "This Is Abuse" debate and don't break the house rules in any way.

Don't break copyright rules. This means that you shouldn't post text you didn't write.