This is ABUSE

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Results: 135 - 150 of 2265

  • Corey

    14/11/2014

    I was in a relationship with my ex boyfriend for just over two years. I was 14-16 and he was 17-19 throughout the relationship. He has recently just been released from prison due to domestic violence when we were together. I am now 17 and struggling to deal with the fact that I was embarrassed to tell the police some of the things that went on throughout my relationship. He pressured me into sending indecent pictures and would set me deadlines as to when I would have to send them by or he would threaten me saying that he would kill himself and it would be all my fault or that he would tell everyone that I was a slut or a bitch. He would tell me to go on cams and to take my clothes off and if I didn't he would say that I didn't love him or care about him. He would be very indecent on cams at times even when I asked him not to. I know it's easy to say I should have just gone off cams or not replied to his messages but it would cause problems when we seen me face to face. We went out one night for a meal and on the way to the bus he took me down a strange alleyway and started kissing and touching me. I asked him to stop and started walking away. He took note of this but when we got on the bus on the way home he began talking innapropriately and unzipping his trousers. The main reason I am writing this is because I need advice on whether I should go to the police or not and explain that I was embarrassed to say it in the first place. I feel that if I don't report it i would feel responsible for anyone else who had to go through it from my ex. Please help!

    Corey - 14/11/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Corey
      Thank you for your message.

      I totally understand why you were worried about talking to the police about some of the other stuff that happened. It can be embarrassing to talk about personal things, but please understand that they hear things like this all the time and would not judge you in any way.

      Has your ex made contact with you since getting out of prison? I want to make sure you are safe. If he does get back in touch or threaten you in any way please go to the police. There are tips here for keeping safe - http://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/help-for-women/keeping-safe/

      Have you been able to tell anyone else what he did? What he did was very abusive. It is not ok to force someone to send images/go on cam if they don't want to. He used blackmail and threats to get you to do this and as you were under 18 at the time this is also illegal as he was technically in possession of indecent images of a child. Remember that none of this is your fault.

      You can absolutely go back to the police to tell them about this, do you have contact with the officers who you spoke to originally?

      You are not responsible for what he may do in the future, he is the only one responsible for his abusive actions. But, I do understand why you want to report this and it is good if the police have a full picture of his offending behaviour.

      You may also think about getting counselling or support to cope with what happened to you. Things like that can have a long lasting impact on you and it may help to talk things through. You can always talk to the national domestic violence helpline on 0800 2000 247.

      I really hope this helps,
      take care and come back here anytime to talk more,
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 17/12/2014

  • Sara

    14/11/2014

    Hi ,
    I just wanted a second opinion on my relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now ,and for the first 5 months everything was great . I am a very laid back person who's likes to joke and have fun , when i met my boyfriend his personality was what drew me to him he was very funny and seemed like a chilled guy. However after some months we started arguing about the littlest things, he would watch my face expressions and literally analyse them when he talks to me ; for example one day we was walking down the road and he was talking to me and i was looking at the road as we was about to cross then he goes 'observer' and nods his head i choose to ignore that to prevent an argument but then he walks so fast ahead of me ; i was soo embarrassed and upset.

    He also has times were he just has a face on (an angry face) and his tone seems so uninterested , however when i ask what is wrong he always says "nothing!" Which makes me feel like i am seeing things. He got me a ring around 8months into our relationship a 'promise ring' and every time we argue he always brings it up telling me to throw it away and saying he prays it gets lost. He also calls me names when his angry , i am very passionate about our relationship and when we argue sometimes i get upset and recently he mimicked me and called me a baby cry , i was shocked as i could not understand how you can mock someone at the lowest point.
    When me and my boyfriend get into an argument he over-annalyses my words for example if i say to him 'lets stop arguing' he will take it as i am being a boss and call me a "shot caller" which i find soo irrational. I feel like i always have to watch what i say or do when i am around him as i am sick and tired of our arguments.

    I do really love my boyfriend as he is an amazing guy does the nicest things like write me cards takes me out, buys me random gifts but sometimes i wonder does he do this so he can distract me from how horrible he is to me when he is mad. He is a complete different person when his mad and when i ask him why he says nasty things he says that he wants to hurt me because he is angry at that time and doesnt mean them.

    When we met i was at college and was working and he had dropped out of his first year at university and was looking for a job so i made sure i did what i could to look after him, i sat online and applied for jobs on his behalf and sure little things like his oyster had money in it and he had money for cigarettes and trust me he does the same for me and that's one of the reasons why I love him because he always ensures i am taken care off. When we would argue i would just blame his frustrations on the fact that he was not in employment as he always talked about how he felt less of a man because i was working and he wasn't even when we was out in a park and i was enjoying myself he would be moody and later on tell me because he thought him taking me to the park was not a good plan he wished he could take me somewhere nice. I would get mad because i just wanted him to enjoy the moment as that's all we had. Even though now his in employment he is still getting frustrated at small things and says his tired and just came from work and i call to argue. (He lives at his parents house and so do i)

    Anyway he has a really bad anger and he has told me in the past that his dad was physically and verbally abusive to his mother, even though he has not been physical with me i feel like he picked up his verbal abusive from his dad from a young age and does not know how to speak to a female even when he is mad.
    When he is not mad we have a great time. But when his mad which I feel is outweighing when he is happy currently its really bad and he just says "we don't understand eachother " as if that helps. I don't know what to do ? And if this kind behaviour is normal ?.
    I am 21 btw and he is 26 , sorry for the long paragraph i tried to give as much information as i can to help you give me an input.
    Thank you in advance
    All the best
    Sara

    Sara - 14/11/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Sara
      Thanks for your message.
      I can see why you would find his behaviour confusing and frustrating. It's hard when someone can be lovely sometimes but unkind the next, you never know where you are with them.
      Even if someone witnessed domestic violence as a child that is no excuse to be abusive themselves. However, you are right in that it may be that he learnt how to behave by watching his dad and may not fully understand how a healthy and respectful relationship should be.

      I think you need to decide if you want to stay in the relationship or not. I know that is a hard decision to make.
      Have a look at this checklist as it may help you: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse

      If you do decide to leave then you need to do this safely - here are some tips: http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/

      It's a good idea to tell people what has been happening as well, that can be family/friends/someone at work/GP etc and you can also contact the national helpline anytime on 0800 2000 247.

      You deserve to be in a happy and respectful relationship,
      take care
      jo

      This is Abuse team - 19/12/2014

  • Stacey

    11/11/2014

    Hello , I've been living with my boyfriend for about 9 weeks, I gave up everything to be with him and everything felt great at first. He gets angry very quickly over me having a little moan or just the slightest disagreement. Work stresses him out so I know he's under pressure but he..no other way to put it but physically beats me. He knows it's wrong and always apologizes but it's always the same , I get hurt and he says sorry again. I know I should leave him but we fought for this relationship to happen and I feel I just don't want to give up on him. I know he's a good person and we have a lot of good times but when it's bad it's really bad and he doesn't know how to control himself. What can I do to help myself and him ? I don't have many friends as it's a new area I moved to so I feel alone :(

    Stacey - 11/11/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Stacey
      Thanks for your message, I am sorry to hear about the abuse you are experiencing.

      I do understand how much you care for your boyfriend and feel you have fought for the relationship as well as moving in recently - but - your safety is the most important thing. Abuse of any kind is not ok, and it is not how people should act in a respectful, loving relationship. It doesn't matter if someone is stressed at work or any other excuse, abuse is always a choice and it is never ok.

      It can be really hard and confusing to love someone but hate their behaviour but you are doing the right thing in looking for support.
      It is important that people around you know what is happening so they can support you. You can always ring the police if you are scared, and you can also ring the national domestic violence helpline on 0800 2000 247 anytime as they are open 24 hours a day and offer free and confidential advice. They can also tell you about local support services or you can search for them here: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/azrefuges.asp?section=00010001000800060002&itemTitle=A-Z+of+services

      If you do decide to leave the relationship, don't see it as giving up on him, see it as keeping yourself safe. If you do this, it's important that you do so safely and there are some helpful tips here - http://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/ about how to leave safely if you are living with someone. It would be best not to be on your own and not to tell him what you are planning.

      I know this may feel overwhelming but it is important that you get the help you deserve and need. Remember that this is not your fault. You can get help, and if he wants to change, he can also get help - Respect have a helpline for people who use abuse in relationships and can also tell him about support groups for men to take accountability for their abuse and to get help to change - http://www.respectphoneline.org.uk/

      You are not on your own,

      Take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 15/12/2014

  • Barbara

    11/11/2014

    I am a grandparent and worried about my granddaughter aged 3. Her mum died when she was only 5 months old and she is being cared for by her dad. Outwardly he is a quiet well dressed man but is difficult to talk to and I think has mental health issues. He made my daughter very unhappy with his constant calls and messages when they were apart and was badly upset if she wanted to go out with friends. I have been caring for my granddaughter one day each week but he has now decided that's not in her best interest and has placed her in nursery five days a week. This is because she did not want to go home with him one evening. He stormed off leaving her behind making her very distressed. My partner tried to talk to him but got a lot of foul verbal abuse. I feel he is fixating on his daughter in a way that is not good for her. She should be allowed to have fun with her grandma. Why should he stop this? It is as if he does not want her to have any family except him.

    Barbara - 11/11/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Barbara

      Thanks for your post. I understand why you are concerned about your grand daughter.

      I think the best people to speak to are the Children's Legal centre - http://www.childrenslegalcentre.com/ The telephone advice line - 0808 802 0008 - is staffed from 8am to 8pm

      They can give you free legal advice about your rights and what the best options are. You could also speak to your local social services department if you are concerned about her being in his care.

      I hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 12/12/2014

  • Kate

    10/11/2014

    When I was sixteen I was in a relationship with a boy who did not understand no. He used emotional blackmail and my own weakness and fear to 'convince' me to sleep with him for almost a year. I am 21 now and sometimes when people touch my skin I want to throw up. I don't want to waste your time, and I know that what happened to me is nothing compared to what some people have been through, but I am not coping very well. I feel awful. Please help.

    Kate - 10/11/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Kate

      Thanks for posting on the site.

      If you’ve being forced or pressured to have sex, or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with, that is totally unacceptable, no one should be putting you in that position. Please understand that what happened was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it, don’t blame yourself.

      If you are unsure, examples of sexual abuse or assault can include being touched in a sexual way that makes you feel uncomfortable or frightened (this can be through clothes or not), being forced to watch others engage in sexual activity, being pressured to send naked pictures of yourself, sexting and being made to stimulate yourself or others.

      If this has happened to you, we would always encourage you to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. They offer counselling and support for women who have experienced any form of sexual violence, not just rape.

      We hope that this helps

      Take care
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 11/11/2014

  • marie

    09/11/2014

    Im being abused by my partner hes hitting me in the face pulling my hair out ive no where to go ive tried to fight back hes even put a pillow over my face ive bit him to get him off me ive punched him back ive got absolutely no where to go and all my posessions are here in this house i want him out till i can get somewhere to live it could take a month how do i go about it

    marie - 09/11/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for your post on the site. We’re really sorry to hear you have been suffering physical abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal and it can seriously damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of physical abuse can include slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour.

      It’s very important to try and find someone you trust to talk to about what’s been happening in your relationship. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there, you’re not on your own.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      You can also hear from a survivor of domestic violence here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7a8fsrPEaYQ&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=3&feature=plcp

      We hope that this helps

      Take care
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 11/11/2014

  • rebecca

    30/10/2014

    I was in rrelationship and ever since we broke up he has been forcing me to send him nudes and he sends me them and he show his friends and it's wrecking my like and I'm 14 I don't want my parents to know

    rebecca - 30/10/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Rebecca

      Thanks for your post. We’re really sorry to hear about what you’ve been going through. If you’re being forced or pressured to take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with, that is totally unacceptable, no one should be putting you in that position. Please understand that what’s happened is not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it, don’t blame yourself.

      If you are unsure, examples of sexual abuse or assault can include being touched in a sexual way that makes you feel uncomfortable or frightened (this can be through clothes or not), being forced to watch others engage in sexual activity, being pressured to send naked pictures of yourself, sexting and being made to stimulate yourself or others.

      If this has happened to you, we would always encourage you to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.

      As you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. They won’t judge you; they will listen, advise and guide you. Or alternatively you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      We hope this helps

      Take care
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 07/11/2014

  • Georgia

    29/10/2014

    I was 14 and I was in a relationship with this boy for 2 yrs.Everything was fine at first,then he became controlling and abusive.he started off pulling my hair or pinching me,but then 6 months in, it got to the point where I was petrified of him,he threw me down the stairs,punched me,told me I was fat and never let me go out with friends.He used to take my lunch away because he wanted me to lose weight,I never told anyone until family noticed bruises. They made me cut all contact with him,it's been a year now since I left him and he's still in my head,everybody thinks I'm ok and over it but I can't sleep,I have flashbacks of it and I have no self confidence in myself,I can't eat big meals in front of anybody as I don't want to be judged on my weight,I'm still struggling with my life because of him and it's horrible.

    Georgia - 29/10/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Georgia

      We’re sorry to hear you’ve suffered emotional and physical abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of emotional type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do. Signs of physical abuse can include slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone who you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      We hope that this helps

      Take care
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 29/10/2014

  • Danielle

    29/10/2014

    Well me and my boyfriend skype each other everyday and he is a year older then me (I'm 14). He masturbates a lot and always asks to see my boobs. I don't want to but I don't want to lose him. Is this abuse/rape?

    Danielle - 29/10/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Danielle

      Thanks for your post. We’re sorry to hear about what you’ve been going through. If you’re being forced or pressured to take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with, that is totally unacceptable, no one should be putting you in that position. Please understand that what’s happened is not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it, don’t blame yourself.

      If you are unsure, examples of sexual abuse or assault can include being touched in a sexual way that makes you feel uncomfortable or frightened (this can be through clothes or not), being forced to watch others engage in sexual activity, being pressured to send naked pictures of yourself, sexting and being made to stimulate yourself or others.

      If this has happened to you, we would always encourage you to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.

      As you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. They won’t judge you; they will listen, advise and guide you. Or alternatively you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      We hope this helps

      Take care
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 07/11/2014

  • Abbie

    29/10/2014

    I've been with my boyfriend for a year now and I can't say it's been the best year of my life. I do love him and he means a lot to me but I hate him at the same time, he checks my phone every day and doesn't let me go on social networking sites or speak to my friends or see them, I attend college and all he does is accuse me of all sorts. I mean he accuses me of flirting with girls and boys and even his sister. I can honestly say I haven't done that at all because I know he would just start an argument. When we have an argument over text he always says if he gives me another chance then I do as he says I always accept that because I don't know what life would be like with out him. When we have a serious argument over the phone he always resorts to speaking to his ex's and other girls, but if we argue in person he shout really loudly and raises his hand to me. Once before he has pinned me down on the floor and shouted right in my face so I ran upstairs and cries for hours and he just stood in the room giving me grief. He makes me do things I don't want to do and he knows full well I don't want too but he just doesn't take my feelings into consideration. When the relationship is good it's alright he's always making me laugh and smile, I just don't know what to do anymore I love him but I don't want to feel unhappy and useless and worthless anymore. I know this isn't anything serious and there are more serious things going on else where I just needed a bit of help, thanks x

    Abbie - 29/10/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Abbie

      Thanks for posting. We’re really sorry to hear you’ve been suffering emotional abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them.

      Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      We hope this helps

      Take care
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 29/10/2014

  • anonymous

    26/10/2014

    me and my partner been together nearly 3 years, I am now almost 19 and hes 19 and we have a little girl aged 15 months, ever since after the birth of our daughter the abuse started, he has punched, thrown me against a wall, doors, slapped and the list could go on, I really want to leave him but I have no place to go to, as we live together. just don't know where to turn for help.

    anonymous - 26/10/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for posting. We're really sorry to hear you have been suffering physical abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal and it can seriously damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of physical abuse can include slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour.

      It’s very important to try and find someone you trust to talk to about what’s been happening in your relationship. It could be a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there, you’re not on your own.

      As you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      You can also hear from a survivor of domestic violence here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7a8fsrPEaYQ&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=3&feature=plcp

      We hope this helps

      Take care
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 29/10/2014

  • MR X

    24/10/2014

    Hi there,
    I really need some expert advice.. my wife and I have been in a relationship for altogether 8 years but last year found out she is having an affair (which came out of the blue ) with her ex abusive boyfriend.... They have an abusive past and he is very controlling and the signs are already starting to show...

    she won't even talk to me on why she cheated on me ?

    I have been stalked by her boyfriend and been attacked in my own home by this guy 's dad who came to my house to collect her without my consent...

    Before they came to my house i had to call the police and keep myself and my wife safe until the cops came...

    we met up a few times in secret (lunch in a public place ) but after that all stopped in febuary due to this abuser changed shifts to nights in order to control her day as well as having a dog / house to look after..

    She has changed her behaviour and has even fallen out with her best friend. over this... I can't talk to her family but i do belive that we are all in the same boat by walking on eggshells at present....

    I also I can't call her as she calls me on her terms which is very limited ... because i belive she is scared of what he might do and so on ..
    as buy the looks of things he/ and his family checks her calls...

    As by doing this he clearly does not trust her and tells her who she can see/ talk to ?

    As she is controlling how we communicate, as she calls me on her terms and has cut me and her best friend off facebook..

    He also controls her in other ways as she lives in his rented house as well as he drives her everywhere this includes driving her to work in which she can catch the bus instead

    She has limited support and has kept herself isolated frm me but i do belive its all to do with her abusive boyfriend but im just going to be supportive for when she is ready to talk to me or to you or any other person who will listen and support her ...

    So I really need an honest and experts opinion on this situation that we are in

    So my 1st question I want to ask to you is .. when you control someone while in a relationship does this count as verbal or emotional abuse or both ?

    what kind of abuse is this ?

    And my 2nd question is how likely is going to get worse by leading to sexual /physical - domestic violence as he has abused her in the past...

    Also all this has happend with in a period of 10 months ...

    And I am only going by what I know at present

    I really need your help

    I look forward to your response

    Kind Regards

    MR X

    MR X - 24/10/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Mr X
      Thanks for your post, I understand how difficult this must be for you. I am sorry that this has happened, it's great that you are still supporting her though.

      What you describe is emotional abuse - this includes controlling who someone sees, where they go, isolating them etc. It can also include threats and psychological abuse. Emotional abuse is a form of domestic violence and is taken very seriously.

      It's hard to say if things will escalate. Emotional abuse itself is serious but you are right to worry that the abuse may become physical or sexual especially if it has happened in the past.

      You say you have contacted the police already - you can always contact them again and explain your concerns. There should be a community safety team who will investigate cases of domestic violence.

      You can also contact the national free phone 24 hour domestic violence helpline on 0800 2000 247 as they can offer you advice and tell you about the nearest support services in your area.

      You say she calls you sometimes - perhaps next time you can ask her if she would like to access their support - I know this will be hard as she will be scared and he is so controlling about where she goes. If she is working though she may be able to call them herself from there?

      The more support she has the better. I know it will be hard feeling that she has cut you off but she has probably been forced to do so. The more people who know about what is happening the better. I do encourage you to call the helpline and get some advice from them, and call the police if needed.
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 12/12/2014

  • Ako

    15/10/2014

    My friend married my husband in December 2011. Everything was OK until about 3 months later when he started demanding money. She initially refused but he began blackmailing her saying if she did not give him the money, he will make sure she is repatriated to her home country. She had a very good job. She got scared as her continuous stay in the UK depended on him. She paid the money. By the end of December 2012 she had paid the man £9000. She refused to pay any more and embarked on discrediting her to her family members, friends and his friends. He has seized her letters. She is due to submit her application to the home office and th man has blatantly refused to sign her application forms. He has driven her out of the house. Sheis very afraid to go to the police as she thinks the police will not believe her. She is now bd pressed.

    Ako - 15/10/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Ako

      I am really sorry to hear about what your friend is going through. She is lucky to have you supporting her.

      We think the best thing to do is for her to go to the local visa application centre - you can search for them via this link and https://www.gov.uk/find-a-visa-application-centre

      It is important that they know that she has been a victim of domestic violence as this will impact on her claim so do encourage her to tell them everything that has happened. Any evidence she has will be useful to take with her.

      She can also contact the national domestic violence helpline for advice on 0800 2000 247.

      I hope this helps.
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 17/12/2014

  • Siovonne

    13/10/2014

    Nearly 4 years ago, i was 13 and i was in a relationship with a guy who was 16. I thought that this was okay. But he started talking about sex all the time, and it was really frustrating, I didn't know what to do, I told him a million times I didn't want to do it, I wasn't ready, and he just wouldn't listen, and he kept talking about it. He then forced me into doing to so. And I haven't said anything about this to anyone, I've kept this a secret for the past 4 years. He raped me. And to this day, he still doesn't even know he did so. He even posted a status last year saying, and I quote, 'Any man who has raped someone should have their penis cut off as well as their fingers. Sick bastards..' And to this day, it still gets to me, and I get flash backs and it's horrible, I was 13.

    Siovonne Siovonne - 13/10/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for posting. We’re really sorry to hear about this distressing incident from your past. We think it is really important that even though this may have happened some time ago, you should still try to speak to someone about this if you can.
      Being forced or pressured to have sex when you don’t want to is rape, it is a serious crime and it should be reported. Please understand that this was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

      No matter how long ago it happened please try and find someone you trust to talk to - a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and happy, and help and support is out there.

      As you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem, nothing is too big or small for them. They won’t judge you; they will listen, advise and guide you. Or alternatively you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted.

      We hope that this helps.

      Take care,
      The This is Abuse team

      This Is Abuse team - 13/10/2014

  • Chelsey

    11/10/2014

    I don't no if it is abuse but every time we have an argument he always calls me a slag tramp and that IM worthless and threatens to hit me but hr hasn't he occasionally throws things at me but punches walls and doors and I always end up crying but when I do stand up to him he pulls my hair not really hard and he says he is gunna leave me but I dunno what to do should I leave him

    Chelsey - 11/10/2014

    Reply
    • Hi there

      Thanks for posting on the website. We’re sorry to hear you’ve been suffering emotional abuse. Abuse is wrong and never okay, it’s not normal, it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. Signs of this type of abuse can include someone putting you down, calling you nasty names, trying to control you and preventing you from doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do.

      We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it’s important you speak up about what you’ve been going through. This doesn’t have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

      If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk in confidence about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them.
      Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

      If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).

      We hope this helps

      Take care
      The This is Abuse Team

      This Is Abuse team 13/10/2014

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