HAVE YOUR SAY
Tell us what you think about abuse in relationships
If you've got something you'd like to talk about regarding any kind of relationship abuse, come and Have Your Say on our message board.
The chances are you'll be able to talk with someone who's gone through similar experiences to your own.
Seen the ads? What do you think?
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Is controlling who a partner sees or speaks to abuse?
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Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.
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Sex with someone who doesn't want to is rape.
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Is putting pressure on someone to have sex abuse?
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Is bullying, controlling and putting a partner down abuse?
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Is insulting and threatening a partner with violence abuse?
TELL US WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If you've got something to say about abuse in relationships then you'll need to accept our terms before you can take part - please see our rules on the right side of the page. You can then enter your comments below or under any video you want to talk about.
Amelia
11/03/2013
This website is brilliant. Thank you to the people who started it.
I was with my first boyfriend from the age of 18. He was abusive, bullying, said "look at you, how can I fancy you when you look like that", used to go through my phone and hit the roof if there were any messages from my male friends, or even my boss on there. He filmed me and him sleeping together without me knowing and threatened to put it on facebook. And threatened to kill himself when I split up with him.
Now I am in a lovely relationship with a lovely bloke and I know what it is like to be appreciated and loved.
there is not enough awareness about teenage relationships out there. People do not tend to know how relationships should be like and put up with more from their first relationship as they think that it is normal. It is not. No one should be put through an abusive relationship, it has more long term effects that you would ever think at the time.
if you're unhappy in a relationship, then end it. Do not be afraid of what the person may do, or how they might react. Act in your own best interests because once you do, you'll realise how stress free and lovely life should be.
Amelia - 11/03/2013
ReplyChantelle
11/03/2013
The best thing I would say is if You're not happy just up and leave don't live in a fake happy relationship. It isn't good for anyone.
Chantelle - 11/03/2013
Replysomeone
11/03/2013
i have recently got out of a abusive relationship, i am 15 and it went on for a while, i used to get hurt physically and by things said, it was really horrible and i still think about it and get upset by it, everone around me is telling me to cheer up and forget about it but i really cant i dont know what to do and its really hard to get through it, nobody understands how bad it was or how im feeling! what should/ can i do?
someone - 11/03/2013
ReplyHi someone,
Thanks very much for posting on the site.
We are sorry to hear about your experiences, it's good you left your abusive relationship, and we hope you did that safely.
Abuse is wrong, it's never okay, and it can damage your confidence and your self-worth. We would encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to, it could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.
And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. Nothing is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Anonymous
11/03/2013
all these sites talk about sexual abuse, if it is not sexual is it still abuse?
if so, who can I talk too?
he only does it when he drinks but drinks every and all weekend
Anonymous - 11/03/2013
ReplyHi Anonymous, thanks for your post.
Abuse can come in different forms including slapping, kicking, hitting or injuries as a result of violent behaviour. Abuse is wrong and never okay.
If you are suffering from any of these, it’s important to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you’re over 18, you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge).
You can also hear from a survivor of domestic violence here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7a8fsrPEaYQ&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=3&feature=plcp
lauren
10/03/2013
wt would have to do
someone says to me to have sexs with them but i don't want to
wt could i do
lauren - 10/03/2013
ReplyHi Lauren,
Thank you for posting your worries.
Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is totally unacceptable.
If you are unsure, examples of sexual assault can include being touched in a sexual way that makes you feel uncomfortable or frightened. This can be through clothes or not, being forced to watch others engage in sexual activity, sexting and being made to stimulate yourself or others.
If you are ever put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to, try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable talking to. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.
And if they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
If you’re over 18, you can call the National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.
Gav
10/03/2013
I'm married and have a healthy relationship.
I listen to the radio every morning on my way to work. Raising awareness of bad things people do is always a good thing im my eyes.
I can't ignore the fact that the radio commercials currently doing the rounds discriminate againt males.
Although the greater percentage of Abuse is against women it happens to us too you know
Gav - 10/03/2013
ReplyHi Gav
Thanks for your feedback.
We are sorry that you feel like this about the campaign. We are aware that anyone can be a victim of abuse whether they are female, male, gay or straight. To be clear, the objective of this campaign is to help both boys and girls spot the signs of abuse in relationships and raise awareness of what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour. This site has lots of information and advice in the ‘your questions’ and ‘need help’ sections for males who have been victims of abuse and those in same sex relationships. It’s good that the campaign is prompting you to ask questions and seek more information.
We work with partners such as the Dudley Safe and Sound partnership who have produced videos about male victims of abuse and those in gay relationships, which you can view by clicking on this link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-U2ue-QmU
We have also produced a video in partnership with Broken rainbow which is intended to provide advice and signpost help for LGBT victims of domestic violence.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U0ZJFdxCtg&list=UU697e0rGEZK8tO-qmFN6kag&index=2&feature=plcp
Gill
10/03/2013
I was abused as a child. Now I am being abused as an adult. Does it ever end ? I am so tired of being bullied
Gill - 10/03/2013
ReplyHI Gill
Thanks for getting in touch.
We’re sorry to hear that you’re being bullied. Unfortunately, bullying can be quite common.
If you are being bullied you’ve taken that first step by messaging us. What you need to do is try and find someone you trust to talk to, even if you find this difficult to do. And if you have difficulty talking about your experiences directly, you could write it all down for someone you trust to read.
It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and trust.
If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
If you’re under 18, you can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem. No problem is too big or small for them. Alternatively, you can go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact them by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
You can also contact Beat Bullying on www.beatbullying.org. They provide advice to help young people who are being bullied either face to face or online.
Emily
10/03/2013
I really think this helps!
I haven't been abused, but just so you guys know, from someone on the outside, you are NOT the only one, there are sooooo many people like you, just leave, I promise you, you'll be so much happier and independent without them!
Don't keep hoping it'll get better, or give up xxx
Emily - 10/03/2013
ReplyTash
10/03/2013
Hi all, I was in a relationship for 3 years with an abusive bloke, it was vile and I really want to help people that have suffered from abuse and warn both young women and men about the signs of abuse. I'm glad I got out of the relationship now and I'm much happier, I've been with my current boyfriend for 3 years now :).
It was hard going through it but I feel like I'm a stronger person now. I always thought that it was my fault that it happened and i deserved it but the truth is 'NOBODY, deserves abuse, Abuse is WRONG' And I just wish that people who are abusive to their husbands,wives or partners take heed of that!
Thanks for letting me post my experience, I really want to tell people about what I went through so people can relate and can be helped.
Tash - 10/03/2013
ReplyKate
09/03/2013
I came across the advert when I just browsing the MTV website. I decided to watch the video, simply because it had the Home Office logo in the corner. I then continued to watch both scenarios and I found them extremely effective.
As I young person myself (I am 16 years old) I am constantly coming across adverts that are meant to discourage me or warn me about issues and they are rarely effective. This, however, was different. It was using a normal situation, and the couples shown weren't over dramatized, it just showed it clearly and didn't try to patronize me. It's also educated me on the signs of abuse.
Thank you for creating this, I think it's going to really make a difference!
Kate - 09/03/2013
Replykirsty
09/03/2013
I was in an abusive realationship for 3 years as a teenager.
My ex boyfriend was possesive, controlling and jealous if i talked to any guys or thought he would call me names and not talk to me for days leaving me thinking i was wrong same if he thought anyone would look at me he would put me down by calling me names or saying i was ugly and nobody else would want me.
Sometimes grabbing me by the throat pushing me around when he got angry about anything leaving marks where no one would see.
I was 14 when this started and didnt realise how wrong it all was for a long time. I lost alot of confidence and wish they had these adds & sites back then.
Please if you are in any sort of abusive realationship talk to someone you trust. Please realise it is not your fault.
Abuse is not normal or acceptable.
kirsty - 09/03/2013
ReplyAlex
08/03/2013
One thing looking through these comments and considering my own experiences is there is a need to help and the friends and family of those abuse victims!
Especially as they are the first line of help for abuse victims. I also think there needs to fostering of understanding of the emotions involved abuse, including even abusers own emotions! That's certainly not to say there anything ever makes abuse saying, but an all round more understanding of all sides I think may prevent a lot of abuse.
Alex - 08/03/2013
ReplyAnonymous
08/03/2013
'Rape is when a male forces his penis into the mouth'
I don't like this line.
Though far less common and harder, a woman can rape a guy too! You also seem to assume an erection is always voluntary, which isn't the case.
Anonymous - 08/03/2013
ReplyHi Anonymous, thanks for your post.
The law says that rape can only be committed by a man as for the offence to be committed there must be intentional penetration of the mouth, vagina or anus of another person with a penis.
A woman can be convicted of sexual assault, which includes other sexual acts (e.g. intentional penetration of the vagina or anus of another person with a part of her body or an object).
Both are rape and sexual assault are crimes and can result in imprisonment. You can read more about rape and sexual assault here: http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/worried-about-abuse/view/rape-sexual-assult
Gemma
08/03/2013
I am 20 years old and my EX and I were not getting on. He changed he became very possessive and controlling.
He found it very difficult if I chose anyone over him. I finished it last year, he did not like my choice at all. He decided to harass me for months and I was still putting up with it until a few days ago. I didn't understand why his behavior changed and I tried to fix it.
I didn't realise I was being abused I just thought we was arguing like normal couples. It's important to understand what types of abuse there is now.
I encourage anyone in a abusive relationship to seek help. It's not your fault. Don't ever think you can fix them because you can't
Gemma - 08/03/2013
ReplyD
08/03/2013
Awesome campaign
D - 08/03/2013
Reply