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This is ABUSE

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Results: 135 - 150 of 2107

  • jay

    19/03/2014

    I am not sure if my husband is verbally abusive or not. We both work full time and I do everything at home. he can be fine for months at a time and then suddenly everything I do is wrong. He swears at me and calls me names and makes really hurtful remarks about my weight and says he is humiliated by me. He also says that if he had anywhere to go he would leave me. I have told him we can put the house on the market but he says he is not losing his home. He calms down and then it is all forgotten about for a while but then anything can start him off. I feel like I am walking on eggshells so as not to upset him. I have had a really tough few years as our daughter had an accident and has been left with problems, as well as I have been in and out of hospital with stomach ulcers. I also have a very demanding job and this is starting to affect it as I am losing confidence daily. I have talked to him but he says the problem is me not him. I am trying to stay strong but it is becoming increasingly difficult. I am an intelligent person with a good job but I feel like an idiot.

    jay - 19/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Jay

      It sounds like things have been really difficult for you. It is good that you are looking for support as you don't have to cope with all of this alone.

      Does anyone else know what has been happening? It can often help to talk. It does sound emotionally abusive and it can feel horrible to be constantly walking on eggshells, it is very draining emotionally.

      None of this is your fault, you deserve to be treated with respect. It must be even harder with the other things you have to deal with at the moment.

      You can call the national helpline on 0808 2000 247 for advice and to find out about local support services. We also have a live chat every mon-fri between 5-7pm if you want to talk things through more with us?

      I hope this helps
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 19/03/2014

  • Nicole

    19/03/2014

    Hi,
    I dated this guy for about 4 years and ended the relationship about 7 months ago. There will be times when I came over his house and had sex with me while I was sleeping. I let him get away with it. There were other times when I was wide awake and he just penetrated me without my permission. It's like my body couldn't say no but my mind was. And also what if I wanted sex but I didn't ask for it, am I in the wrong? There were times when I did say "no" or "stop it" I even tried to push him off and he still continued. I feel like I'm in the wrong because I let it happen and I continued to stay with him. This still haunts me at times. What should I do?

    Nicole - 19/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Nicole

      thank you for having the courage to contact us and tell us a bit about what happened to you.None of this is your fault but I can hear how confused you feel about what happened. What your partner did to you was rape and there is no excuse for his behaviour.

      The most important thing now is that you are able to get some help for yourself to come to terms with this. Its a relief to hear that you are no longer in this relationship and I hope that this means you feel a bit safer now. Have you spoken to anyone about this or could you do that? Talking to a close friend may help as its big burden to manage this emotionally on your own.

      You could consider contacting the National Charity Rape Crisis on 0808 802 9999 or look at their website - www.rapecrisis.org.uk . I know this can seem a bit scary maybe but they will be able to tell you more about local services in your area that could help. The psychological effects of sexual assault and rape can persist for quite a long time after the event but these services are there to give you a safe space to talk and develop strategies to cope with what has happened.

      We have live chat sessions Mon -Fri 5 -7 and you are welcome to talk to one of us a first step if that would help

      Take care
      Linda

      This is Abuse team 19/03/2014

  • loula

    18/03/2014

    i waitd years to be with my husband as life took us in different directions i got maried to sum 1 else as did he but i had 2 children he had none wve bin together a year now and im finkin of leaving im not simple i do kno im being abused, hes giv me a blak eye and slapped me a few times but its more emontional that hurts makin comments about my kids tellin people i dont look after them h does everyfink for them feeding dressesing etc. bt he lives the house early and dont cum home till 7 i love them they are my world he jst says it to look bta he takes my card questions were the moneys goin ihumilates me sexualy and make remarks about how much his ex were beta i carnt see my family and hes always in trouble with the police dispite this i love him and try to be the beta person but its wearin me down he says he carnt do nothink anymore cos i have to kids and they always cum first but he knew this before him he is always complaing to family about me and wen i bring sumfink up he shouts screams insults me and my kids who r 2 and 3 threatins violents and says hes mustent be having sex with me hard enough thats why complain he wants m to have a baby and gets so frustreated that it is not happing he hates me most of th tim i would him to get remaried and heve his own family then he would be happier without my kids and our presure i love him but dont want to live a life full of shame he says its my fualt i dont do wat he wants me to do and humilating m in front of people means i wont do it again any numbers for womens hossital were we will be saf he says h will kill himself or me if i leave thanks

    loula - 18/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Loula

      It sounds like you are in a very abusive relationship and I am concerned for you and your children.

      Does anyone else know about what has been happening? It is important to tell people as this will help you cope and will help to keep you safe.

      You can call the national domestic violence helpline anytime on 0808 2000 247 and they can advise you and tell you about local support services including refuges where you and the children can move to and be safe, he will not know where you are. You can also contact the police whenever you are scared. They can tell you about protection orders to stop him from coming near you or the children.

      You can also search for local support services on this page, just use the drop down menu to find the area where you live, and then you can look for specific info on your local area:
      http://www.womensaid.org.uk/landing_page.asp?section=000100010008§ionTitle=If+you+or+a+friend+need+help

      Remember that none of this is your fault. You deserve to be loved and respect but also safe. There is a lot of support out here so you don't have to cope alone. We also have a live chat service every mon-fri between 5-7pm if you want to talk to us,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 19/03/2014

  • Chrissy

    18/03/2014

    I feel that my partner is controlling because I'm not allowed to speak to my male friends or to have any. He monitors me on twitter and argues with me if I talk to a male. In the past he has been worse but not as bad now. But if I don't want to sleep with him he argues with me. I don't feel that I want to be with him but I know he will emotionally blackmail me to stay. I'm not scared of violence but I'm scared of the arguments. What should I do ?

    Chrissy - 18/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Chrissy
      It does sound like he is being very emotionally abusive and controlling, and also forcing you to have sex when you don't want to by arguing is actually rape.

      It is good that you are aware that he may try and emotionally blackmail you if you say you want to leave him. This is unfortunately a common tactic that abusers use. It may be helpful to end the relationship via text or email rather than in person, or if you do go in person to not be on your own. You may then have to change your phone number and make your twitter account private and block him on there and any other social networking sites. Also, it will help if you tell people what has been happening, particularly your friends and whoever you live with. This will keep you safer and they will then know not to tell him where you are.
      There is some more info here:
      http://www.respectnotfear.co.uk/keepingsafe/

      You can also come to our live chat which is open mon - fri from 5-7pm.

      I hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 19/03/2014

  • charlotte

    17/03/2014

    My ex fiancee left me & my children over a year ago. He was cheating on me. He has the children once a week but they stay at hes mothers house not at hes. We do not have a good relationship. Im not interested in his life my only concern is our children. He was always very controlling when we were together & now is very verbally abusive. He has taken me to court twice in the last year with petty issues which the court dismissed. In the beginning he stated that he never wanted my sister at hand overs but the court ruled that I could take anyone I wanted. The children also like this arrangement. Lately he is becoming more aggressive verbally calling me a w**** & a f*** bitch in front of the children & my sister. I do not want to see him any more. I feel scared for my children. Has anyone got any suggestions?

    charlotte - 17/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Charlotte

      What you are going through sounds very distressing. There are a couple of organisations that can help though.
      Rights of women give free confidential legal advice on cases like this:
      http://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/adviceline.php
      Call 020 7251 6577 (telephone) on Mondays 7pm-9pm, Tuesdays 7pm-9pm, Wednesday 7pm-9pm, Thursday 7pm-9pm and Fridays 12noon-2pm

      The Children's Law Centre can also give advice about child contact:
      http://www.childrenslegalcentre.com/

      Also, the Domestic Violence Intervention Project in London have some really useful info on their site and also run a supervised contact centre.
      http://dvip.org/supporting-parents.htm

      Do you have a cafcass officer involved? If so it is important that they know how he is acting in front of the children.

      I hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 19/03/2014

  • Elaine

    17/03/2014

    Hi,
    I am in a verbally abuse relationship and more. His latest violent outburst has gone on for 24 hours now resulting in me being accidentally hit in the head by a lamp he pulled off the wall in his temper, but he said he only reacts like that to me but he has a shocking temper with others too but never like he does with me, although I have more income than him he will only work part time and refuses to pay towards anything I even have to put the petrol in my car for him to go to work in. I pay all the bills utilities,food,car. Is I challenge him on anything he usually threatens to leave me and cold shoulders me got days which is agony.

    Elaine - 17/03/2014

    Reply
    • I wish remain anonymous.

      Hello Elaine, if you are having a abusive relationship with this man, I suggest you keep an eye out and if he starts psychically abusing you again and you are in immediate risk, I suggest you call the 999 for help as this can't be happening and no one deserves to be treated badly.

      I hope everything improves and stay strong! :)

      N/A - 18/03/2014

    • Hi Elaine,
      Thanks for your message. Your relationship is emotionally and financially abusive and it sounds as though you have experienced other forms of abuse from your partner as well. None of what you are experiencing is your fault the blame lies solely with your partner who seems to have a lot of anger issues.
      Have you spoken to anyone else about what is happening? I would suggest you look at www.womensaid .org.uk where you will find more information on domestic abuse. I would also suggest you contact your local domestic abuse service and seek some advice and support from them, alternatively you can call the national domestic violence helpline 0808 2000 247.
      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 18/03/2014

  • K

    16/03/2014

    . Often I am pressured into having sex with my Partner of 5 years. He says it's my job as his girlfriend and that I am upsetting him by not wanting to have sex. My counsellor says I am being emotionally and financially abused by him. I have no idea where to begin and I don't want to leave because I don't want to make my children homeless. I am not sure what to do. I am so sick and tired of feeling like I am a bad person all the time. Nothing I do is right.

    K - 16/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi K,
      Thanks for your message. I'm sorry to hear that your having such a hard time in your relationship.
      Your counsellor is right you are being sexually abused. Everyone has the right to say no to sex at any time and in any situation. Just because we have consented in the past doesn't mean we always have to in the future.
      If we are forced into sex then this is rape and its against the law no matter if your in a relationship or not.
      Like you many victims feel unable to leave their abusive relationships whether it is to prevent any disruption to the children or the hope that their abusers will one day change.
      I am glad that you are receiving counselling and I would also recommend you contacting one of the following services for advice and support. www.womensaid.org.uk (Freephone 0808 2000 247) or www.rapecrisis.org.uk, 0808 802 9999 (12-2.30pm, 7-9.30pm).
      Take care
      Sarah

      This is Abuse team 18/03/2014

  • Carrie

    16/03/2014

    Hiya, I just want people on here to know, you're seriously not alone. This happens to so many people, including myself in a year and half relationship I had before.
    I had so many friends and family telling me to just leave him, they could see how he was even though i didn't say much at all about him. I wanted people to think we were perfect. I wouldn't tell them the things he did to me. But they saw through it, and it didn't matter at all to me what people said - I even knew it was true myself - I knew I shouldd leave him, I knew it wasn't doing me or my life any favours. It just didn't matter, I thought I was so in love.

    He would accuse me of cheating and flirting, when all the time he was doing that behind my back. I first found out when he left his facebook logged in on my ipad. I knew I shouldd have just logged out but I had to see. And sitting there was atleast 20 conversations of him trying to meet up with and flirt with girls. And I stayed with him. Ofcourse I did - I loved him so much, I thought.

    And it got worse, it all got worse and worse, he would punch me, throw things at me, push me up against the wall. He pushed me. We would have sex all the times in awkward places because he wanted to, and he always got what he wanted.

    We broke up all the time- ofcourse we did! We would argue and row all the time, it would come to it where he would tell me how sh't I was and I wasn't good enough, and I can't even count the times me ended it with each other.

    The last time I ended it, and shortly after I started talking to my friend Ben, I didn't even tell him what my ex has done to me, we would just chat and I'd feel so happy. That was it for me. There wasn't even a massive thing that stopped it, just one day I had enough, one day after we broke up I would fight the urge to contact him (and god I wanted to) and it just stopped. I would talk to my friend Ben, along with others, and I slowly just started to get over it. I absolutely hate him now, although honestly, I think I always did. But now I am in a relationship with someone else, I have friends around me and I've realised that's just a part of my past now. I have grown SO much from it, I would never let myself in that situation again, I care about myself so much more than I used to.

    THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN REALLLY CHANGE IT IS YOU. if you're on this website then I believe you can do it, but you have to want to have a better life, even if you think you think you love him/her so much, do it for you. When you yourself want something more you can do it. You are the most important person you know, you are the only one who can really help. Know you're worth more, please. You are worth, so, so much more.

    Carrie - 16/03/2014

    Reply
  • Unknown

    15/03/2014

    Hiya,
    A group of boys at school have been sending round naked photos saying they're me when it's not! I've never sent any to anyone! People are constantly making comments about me now and laughing behind my back, I'm loosing friends over this and I really don't know what to do! Can you help me please! Thank you so much

    Unknown - 15/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi
      Thank you for your message, it is good that you are trying to get help. It must be horrible to have this happen.
      Have you told anyone about this? Perhaps you can tell someone at school - a teacher you trust who can help? I know it is hard to talk about, but the quicker you tell them, the sooner they can make it stop.

      There is some info on this site, if you scroll to the bottom there is a question about images being sent round school. Childline can get involved and help you get them taken down if they have been put online.

      You have done nothing wrong, the teachers should be able to act and confiscate phones with the image on and delete it. You can always talk to us on our live chat every mon-fri between 5-7 and childline also have a live chat. You don't have to cope with this alone,
      I hope this helps,
      take care
      Jo

      http://www.childline.org.uk/explore/onlinesafety/pages/sexting.aspx

      This is Abuse team - 19/03/2014

  • Charlie

    15/03/2014

    I am 37, I have survived a physical and mental relationship and also a sexual assault when i was a teenager by a family member , but since then I have not been able to have a steady relationship....I know this is due to me having major trust and commitment issues (the trust issue is obvious) I want to be able to trust men and no longer use them to satisfy my carnal needs.....any advice on how? without going through therapy (which i have done extensively)

    Charlie - 15/03/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Charlie,

      I am really sorry that you were assaulted and that the ongoing impact is so painful. I am pleased that you have decided to keep seeking help even though you don’t feel therapy is any longer useful.

      There is an organisation called NAPAC that supports people abused in childhood. You mention that you were a teenager but not how old. If you wanted to contact them you can call their helpline on 0800 085 3330 or 0808 801 0331. If you prefer you can email them support@napac.org.uk.

      The other organization that you may want to contact is Rape Crisis, you can call them on 0808 802 999.

      Take Care,

      Brian

      This is Abuse team 18/03/2014

  • sharni

    15/03/2014

    i was in a 6 month relationship with this guy the first 2 months were great loving and caring took me home every time i went to visit him, i was 16 years old i was in sixth form wanting to past my exams and everything to go to uni, 3 to 4 months came by he became more aggressive with things like telling me what to wear cover myself up so no one else looked at me, no makeup, i wasn't allowed to talk to my friends, as soon as i stuck up for myself he would pull my hair and get in my face and ask ''what did you just say to me'' i could not say anything back to him he scared me he was bigger then me i was scared what he would do if i said anything back, nothing i said, 5 months came by he started to push me, told me to stop seeing my family and go and see him if i didn't he would come by the door as soon as i stood outside the door he would grab me push me to the wall and say ''why didn't you come when i told you too'' i banged my head on a nail that was on the wall, it left me with a lump on my head even so a scar i lost some memory aswell so i cant remember everything,he told me when to go to my sixth form if i didn't he would come and find me and drag me out by my hair, i never told anyone till my mum noticed something was wrong she thought i could look after myself, he started to hit me not in the face because he didn't want to get caught he could kick me in the ribs legs he could cut come parts of my body, i had that for the rest of our 5 to 6 months i was so scared of him i couldn't get out as he lived down the road from him, after we broke up i was in a park one day with some friends and he showed up he brought me alcoholic drinks even tho i was 17 at this point and yes we nearly got in trouble, but also what was strange was he gave me a roll up without me asking for it, there was something in it , it made me feel the world was spinning i went all blurry and weak tired, i couldn't do anything, next thing i found out i had my vision back and we was in some woods place and i was laying on the floor with him holding me down one as soon as i got my vision back or as i cal it woke up he held me by the neck i was finding it hard to breathe i still felt weak he forced me to have sex with him it was horrible i was fighting so hard but i couldn't scream for help then i lacked out and i cant remember the rest, all i know is i got scars on me,.

    i turn 18 i meet this other guy sweet, gentle, lovely man, only this time its emotional abuse lucky i can deal with this one, he took my money, he would get in my face, make me feel guilty, made me out to be the bad person, used my weakness to get what he wanted.

    please please please if anyone man or woman gets into this type of relationship please leave them early or get someone to help you and when you finally get there don't be afraid to find the right guy/girl they are not always abusers im nearly a 20 year old woman and im happy im even the man in my relationship :)

    sharni - 15/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Sharni
      Thanks for your message. It sounds like you have had two very scary and difficult relationships.
      I am glad you are in a happy relationship now but just want to check you are safe and not in contact with the other two guys?
      Also, how are you feeling about what happened? Abuse can have long lasting impacts and can affect how we feel in other relationships. If you feel you need support, there are lots of organisations and support groups that can help. Details of some of them are on our website.
      take care
      Jo

      This is Abuse team - 19/03/2014

  • Clara

    15/03/2014

    I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 months now, but i've known him for a little over a year. We've had sex before and it was good but it starts to hurt after a while, and i'll still hurt the next day, even if i dont want to and tell him i don't he'll still try to have sex with me. He tries to rip my clothes off of me but i just push him off and put them back on. He even once tried it when it was my time off the month!? But i wouldn't let him. I stayed at his house last night and when all of his family went to sleep he got on top of me and tried to have sex with me, i told him that i didn't want to but he wouldn't stop trying, he kept trying to move my shorts and underwear out of the way and kept trying to force himself into me. I begged him to stop repeatedly but he wouldn't listen, he had put his whole weight on me and was holding my hands down above me. This went on for about 45 minutes and i was holding back my tears, it was pitch black so we couldn't see anything. He eventually stopped and i heard him ask himself what he was doing, he lay next to me and he started crying and kept appologising. But 25 mins later he tried again, but i wouldn't let him, he stopped and i rolled away from him and waited till i heard him fall asleep before i did because i was worried in case he tried again, i wanted to run out the house but didnt want to wake him. I don't know what to do, im scared to see him again but i work with him, i cant avoid him. He's always been a bit rough and tried putting his hand down my pants even when i dont want him to. I love him, but i dont think i'll be able to look at him in the same way, i'll never forget it.

    Clara - 15/03/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Clara,

      I am glad that you decided to get in touch. What your boyfriend has been doing is really not ok and sounds upsetting and frightening. From what you said it seems you were already worried about him being rough with you and not listening when you said no but that things are now worse. None of what he has done is your fault. Sexual contact without consent is abusive and a criminal offence.

      I think it would be a really good idea for you to talk to someone about what has been happening. Rape Crisis have a helpline 0808 802 9999 that you could call. Alternatively you could call Women’s Aid on 0808 2000 247.

      I really hope you decide to talk it through with someone.

      Take Care,

      Brian

      This is Abuse team 18/03/2014

  • Chlo

    15/03/2014

    I was in a relationship last week and my boyfriend asked me to go round his and chill so I went round and we was listening to music and then he was asking me to do all these things with him, he tried to take my top of etc so I said no but he kept asking then when I left his I got told that when I left he met up with a girl and done stuff with her then later that night he text me saying it's over e wants a sexual relationship etc. I went to school the next day and my friend told me that the stuff he did with that girl was true. This is a boy who before we was going out was asking me to send pictures to him. Everyone knows I'm not with him but when I was at netball my "best" friend asked the etcher where our hoodies were then my friend turns around and goes YOUR . Has got them so I was so angry I blew at her but I didn't mean to. I want to speak to him and ask him if it's true what he did but I can't bring myself to do it I see him at school and my heart just sinks I can't deal with it. I don't know

    Chlo - 15/03/2014

    Reply
    • Dear Chlo,

      Thanks for your post. I am glad you are not in this relationship anymore. I am really sorry to hear that he tried to force sexual activity with you even when you had said no, it really was not ok for him to keep trying even though you had said no. If you want to talk about this with someone you can either contact one of our advisors on live chat between 5pm and 7pm on week nights, or speak with a counsellor at Childline on 0800 1111.

      It sounds as though you are hurt and angry about what has happened. Is there an adult that you trust that you can talk to about it? A teacher or perhaps one of your parents? Talking with someone can really help to work through how you are feeling now.

      Take Care,

      Brian

      This is Abuse team 18/03/2014

  • Jayne

    15/03/2014

    Hi, three years ago when I was 15 I started talking to this boy, he was 18. he moved into a house near me. Me and my friends started talking to him and we all became friends. Getting to the point, there was this one day it was just me and him on our own at his house, we were just listening to music and playing games on our phones. Then he grabbed my arm and tried to pull me into his room. I kept saying no I don't want to but he was much stronger than me and pulled me in. I was crying saying stop but he wouldn't listen. He then got on top of me so I couldn't get away. He was putting his hands all over me and shining the torch of his phone in my face laughing at me. He was doing more stuff like pulling my hair and pinching my arms, he was deliberately trying to make me cry. It went on for about 15 minutes then I managed to push him off me and run out. I had to go to a field near my house because I couldn't go home in that state. But now I'm 18 and just can't forget what happened. I've never had a boyfriend since that because I think I'm just too scared of what might happen.

    Jayne - 15/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Jayne,

      Thanks for coming forward to talk about your experience. It sounds like it was a really horrible ordeal for you.

      Nobody has the right to touch you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, and what he did was sexual assault and if you wanted to report this to the police then you could.

      However, from what you have said it seems that what you need most at the moment is some form of emotional support. I would recommend speaking to Rape Crisis to see if there are any counselling services in your area that will be able to assist you with support. Their number is 0808 802 9999.

      If you would like to talk to us more about what happened then we are running Live Chat Monday to Friday 5pm until 7pm on the website.

      Take care,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 17/03/2014

  • luc

    15/03/2014

    The latest advert on television are just inappropriate and ineffective

    luc - 15/03/2014

    Reply
    • Hi Luc,

      Thanks for your comment. I'm sorry that you feel like that, we have had a huge positive response from the ads. However, please feel free to share why you do not think they are helpful or appropriate.

      Thanks,

      Luke

      This is Abuse team - 16/03/2014

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