HAVE YOUR SAY
Tell us what you think about abuse in relationships
If you've got something you'd like to talk about regarding any kind of relationship abuse, come and Have Your Say on our message board.
The chances are you'll be able to talk with someone who's gone through similar experiences to your own.
Seen the ads? What do you think?
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Is controlling who a partner sees or speaks to abuse?
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What do you think? Do you agree with what Coverdrive and Ruff Diamondz have to say about abuse in relationships?
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Is putting pressure on someone to have sex abuse?
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Is bullying, controlling and putting a partner down abuse?
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Is insulting and threatening a partner with violence abuse?
TELL US WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If you've got something to say about abuse in relationships then you'll need to accept our terms before you can take part - please see our rules on the right side of the page. You can then enter your comments below. Comments are treated confidentially and moderated.
Emmaella
09/02/2012
I'm trying to stay strong in leaving my fiancé for good. without including all the gory details I'll inform you he is a textbook abuser the whole charming handsome man by day and then the devil night I always make excuses for him, his past, his present, his addictions etc. I understands the mistakes I made by staying with him as long as I did but it would be easier if the people around me that say stay away from him practiced what they preach it hurts me when people I know don't stand up to him by telling him abuse is wrong u don hit and hurt the people you love. I live in a community where it is rather excepted but everyone should shame abuse in a relationship often time if a women abuses a man she is called names and deemed crazy and unladylike but a man is portrayed as toyed with or passionate the people that stand up against domestic violence they more people with step away from it. Domestic violence is not glamours or admirable. It's a shame on anyone that hits or hurts there spouse, not the other way around. Stand up for someone that's being abused and or stand up for yourself and pray for me that I do th same
Emmaella - 09/02/2012
ReplyRose
08/02/2012
I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year now and we go to the same university, we're on the same course and we have classes together. He is the sweetest guy i have ever met and he's so considerate and we have so much in common. I genuinely love him so much and I can really see a future with him. He has quite a temper and we argue quite a lot but I also have a temper and I know im the kind of person that needs to have arguments every now and again to blow off some steam, its just what I'm like, I am with family and friends too. But sometimes when he gets angry it can be too often and he swears at me, shouts in my face, storms off and leaves me on my own in public or late at night, shouts in my face or forces me out of his way, calls me names such as c**t and tells me we should break up and that I was a mistake. But then when he's calmed down he's fine and he apologises but then he gets mad when i want to talk about what happened and he'd rather just ignore it. Am i stupid wanting to talk about it when it has upset me so much and made me feel worthless? He often gets angry with me when I text him or call him too, telling me to "stop pestering him" as he's with his friends or he's busy yet if i don't respond to him when i contact him he gets annoyed or upset like I'm ignoring him. When we first got together he would text and call me constantly so that is how the rule was set on how often we talk to each other, by him, but now he hardly ever wants to talk or text and doesn't seem as interested in hearing from me. His grandmother has died lately and his parents have split up and things aren't good at home. Will all this go away or am I stupid to stay with him?
Rose - 08/02/2012
Replyjannie
02/02/2012
I am married. Have been for six years. Prince charming in the beginning of courtship. Marriage turned it backwards and inside out. He started to lie about little things, then bigger things. He worked with exfiance and couldn't fire her. He always had reasons --then when he said he did, I find out she worked from home for him. He told me to "get fuck out" when I was pregnant. He beat me, well actually dragged me by the hair on the floor, whilst a mirror came crashing on my head (because I wanted to see his conversation with his employee, yes same chic previously mentioned), called me slut, whore, bitch, cunt, and dumbass. Doesn't really take me around his friends. Doesn't invite me to his mothers' for holidays.....and everytime he does call me a name, he is "sorry". I say"enough, I'm done", and his begging starts and I get sucked in. I have moved out, but I let him in. It's like I am a zombie, or watching a zombie. I know this probably won't change. I am so confused and gutless....what's wrong with me.
jannie - 02/02/2012
ReplyHi Jannie. Thank you for your message. You need to try to speak to someone about this and you shouldn't have to suffer. You can call the National Domestic Violence helpline on 0808 2000 247, alternatively you can call Women’s Aid on 0808 2000 247, or email them on helpline@womensaid.org.uk.
Louise
09/01/2012
After 3 months he started pressuring me to have sex with him, which I didn't want to do because I thought I was too young. But eventually I gave in because I didn't want him to break up with me, except I was scared so I asked him to stop, and he wouldn't, by this time I was crying and was terrified. Eventually he stopped and said he hadn't heard me and was really sorry, I was just so relieved he hadn't meant it and that he wasn't going to leave me, that I forgave him. Then he started getting angry that I saw my friends more than him, he'd shout at me and call me names and swear at me, but i thought it was normal. Then he started grabbing at my wrists to make sure I couldn't run away when he yelled at me, I was terrified of him, but I was ashamed to tell anyone because it made me feel so weak and helpless. He called me pathetic and useless and said I was stupid and an idiot, he made me feel like I was nothing. Then when I was with him i picked up my phone to reply to a text from a friend, and he got so angry, he started yelling at me, then picked up a placemat and hit me with it. Then was when I realised that our relationship wasn't right, I'm still not completely sure if it was abuse, but I know it shouldn't have been happening. But although we broke up, I went back within a month because I'd become so dependant on him. But he still shouted and yelled and swore at me, and I couldn't stop being terrified of him. It's been over 6 months now since I got out of the relationship for good, but I can't forget it. I'm so scared of relationships now, I just don't want it to happen again. How do you forget?
Louise - 09/01/2012
ReplyLouise, try and find someone you trust to talk to about it. This could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards. Alternatively you can call Women’s Aid on 0808 2000 247, or email them on helpline@womensaid.org.uk
Louise i know how you feel i was with my bf on and off for 9 months i only just got out of it fully not a few months ago he used to force me into sex hit me if i didn't called me a slag made me feel that no one wanted or loved me i felt so alone, i know how it feels to feel soo alone we would break up but i did love him and always got back with i begged him to take me back tho i knew i never did wrong he always though i was cheating and make me cry and feel so small over nothing he wouldn't let me have my phone when i was around because he thought i was texting guys he made me make a new facebook with just girls so he knew i wasn't talking to guys he would hack my facebook just to check i was being good if i wasn't he would hit the roof it scared me i was too scared to tell my mum becase i felt ashamed and if she got the police involved he would come after me...after 9months of this i finally pulled up the courage to get a harassment order against tho i can't ever forget him , if i smell his perfume on anyone i can't stand it, i'm scared of getting a boyfriend because i fear they are just the same i did get a new boyfriend but he started talking like my ex did and i ran i im scarred for life, louise i know its hard to forget something like that but your strong i just remember there are people who are their for you all the time stay strong :)
ellie - 18/01/2012
Elle
30/12/2011
I'm worried about my friend; she's been with her boyfriend for about three weeks. From basically the start he's been speaking very sexually, all suggestive. It was a joke at first but I found out the other day he's sexually abused her, last week. She's told me "I didn't want to admit it because I didn't want it". I'm scared he forced her into it, because even though "he stopped when she said", she told me she only agreed to it "because I got tired of fighting him off". I'm not sure if it's abuse, if she didn't want it but let it happen? I hope I'm not being over-protective, but it's worrying me how he seems to have a bit of a hold over her. (Side note; we're in year 10 at school, he's 15 and she's 14. Not sure if this changes anything but felt relevant)
Elle - 30/12/2011
ReplyHi Elle, Thank you for contacting us about your friend. Your friend telling you about this is the first step. But it is important that you ask your friend to try and find someone she can trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, or a youth worker or anyone else that she feels comfortable withand feels she can trust. If they don't want to listen, she needs to keep trying until she find someone that does. Your friend can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about her problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where she can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards. Alternatively your friend can call National Freephone Rape Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm.
Jess
27/12/2011
Me and my finance have been together for almost a year and a half. We have had our disagreements but nothing too bad. The first time was about one month ago. He got really angry and started pushing me around and telling me to f**k off. But recently it's got worse. We had a big fight yesterday which led to him pushing me around. He grabbed my hair and my throat and pulled me off the sofa onto the floor. He was screaming in my face. I didn't know what to do other then cry. I was paralysed with fear. I tried to get up but he kept pushing me back down to the floor. I finally managed to get to my knees and he pushed me back so hard my head hit the floor first. I burst out in floods of tears gripping my head. He just looked at me then went and sat on the sofa and carried on watching tv like nothing ever happened. I forgave him once but I have a constant fear and flinch everytime he moves. Thanks for reading...
Jess - 27/12/2011
ReplyJess, no one should have to put up with physical abuse. You should try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there. You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards. Alternatively you can call Women’s Aid on 0808 2000 247, or email them on helpline@womensaid.org.uk.
1234
26/12/2011
i have been going out with this lad for about 3 weeks and i dont really know if this counts for out or not, but i spend alot of time with him and he is the best, could not ask for anything more with him, but now and again he makes comments about me texting my friends to much when i am with him and sometimes he takes my phone off me not in a horrible way, more like messing around way but still.....
1234 - 26/12/2011
ReplyIf you’re concerned about the way things could go you should find someone you trust to talk to even if you find this difficult to do. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there. Alternatively you can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Asia
26/12/2011
I have problem with my relationships with other people. Everywhere I am and everything I do, I dont know what I should say. Its only with relationships with people on my age, this is to say 15. I want to feel relaxed, but I dont know how I will have to do it. Maybe If I feel relaxed and comfortable with my skin , I'll be more talkative? Please help , cause I feel worse everyday .. ); ( Sorry for my english, I'm using this on days ) .
Asia - 26/12/2011
ReplyAsia, ChildLine may be able to help and give you guidance. Call them on 0800 1111 or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
GlitterBug
12/12/2011
I have been with my boyfriend for just under a year and we have had our ups and downs. I am just wondering if anything that has happened between me and him would count as abuse. It all started about a week into our relationship, he found out that I wasnt a virgin and i had a past with three lads but i never kept it a secret, if he had asked me, i would have told him straight away. He was a virgin when we met and i didnt want to have sex straight away as i had been used by lads before and i really liked him. He used to bring up my past almost daily and at first i thought it was because we hadnt had sex and he was jealous. He would bring it up 24/7 about how he cant trust me. I kept telling him it upset me and i couldn't change the past but he never accepted that. There would be days where i felt like a princess and he would tell me he loves me constantly and i would feel over the moon, then it was as if he was Jackyl and Hyde, he would change back and start shouting at me. He has a horrible temper because of his psychotic mother and his step father. His dad has a horrible temper too but he wasnt allowed to see him. Any way, he would flip off the rails all the time, if i mentioned any of the three names of the lads i was with he would go off the rails and shout at me. He would tell me he could do better and that i should close my legs and ask how he could ever trust some one like me. If im honest i got used to it, it was almost everyday, i had no choice. Then it got worse. Before i met my boyfriend i would see my friends every other day, that stopped almost as soon as we got together because he got jealous of the lads i was friends with. He would make me sign into MSN constantly so he knew where i was and what i was up to. If i was offline and i didnt have a reason to be he would assume im cheating on him. If i didnt reply within two minutes he would assume i was cheating on him. He also had an awful habit that i used to think was really sweet till he told me the real reason; he used to just turn up at my house because he missed me, or so he said, but he later told me that it was because he wanted to see if he could catch me cheating on him. I got so fed up of all the constant, almost stalker like behaviour that i dumped him. He would text me constantly and beg for me to take him back and that things would change. If i didnt reply he would text me something along the lines of "oh i dont expect you to take me back, you can go back to your other boyfriend now" which used to drive me crazy as i was one hundred percent faithful to him. I took him back and split up with him 10 times in 11 months. The biggest bust up came about at around 8 months, we were sat at his house and we were just talking, he had a habbit of randomly asking about my sexual past and then have a go at me for it. So when he asked me about it this time, i declined to tell him any more information because it would just cause an argument. He went off the rails. He accused me of cheating on him and started swearing at me. He told me to get out of his house and he should never have got together with me. He scared me because he started throwing things, it started with things like head phones that just skimmed my face. I got scared and asked him what he was playing at, throwing them right next to me and he replied with "if i wanted them to hit you, they would have!" He then moved to the stairs and continued swearing and shouting at me and he threw an upright hoover down the stairs, this really scared me because if he could pick that up and throw it, what could he throw at me? He walked back into the room and asked why i was still there when he told me to get out of his house. I said to, try and hold my ground, that if i leave now then im gone forever. Turned out to be the worst mistake i could have made. He fetched my shoes dropped them in front of me and then i said "fine if this is what you want, im gone." He replied with "out of my house!" he then continued the verbal abuse while walking towards me and he backed me into a corner where i was forced to tears through fear and he just continued up the stairs. I ran out of his house and all the way to the bus stop and waited. He text me while i was waiting telling me he loves me and that he was watching me to make sure i got home okay. I was still crying and was petrified he would come outside. He did eventually and wanted to hug me. Everytime he went near me i moved because tbh, after all that i just wanted to be away from him. I got on the bus and told him i would drop his stuff off at his tomorrow and then he wouldnt see me again. When i got home i was talking to one of his friends because he actually showed more concern and care than any of my mates did. I wasn't surprised as thanks to spending so much time with him, they wanted little if anything to do with me. He then accused me of cheating on him with his friend regardless that i never saw this friend. the most i did was text him. We got back together on the one condition that we start it all again like we didnt know each other and that he wouldnt judge me again. It was okay for about three weeks and now its worse. He gets annoyed if i go out in something sexy and accuses me of wanting lads attention all the time because i want a "better" boyfriend. He started doing weights "for me" even though i never once told him to, so now he's bigger so that i "wont feel the need to look at other lads" even though i never have done. He constantly calls me thick and retarded. If i could film my life a year back, i was confident, thin, pretty and very sexually comfortable. Now I've put on weight, i hate how i look, he ridicules all my facial features, he doesnt like my eyes because they're "bug eyed" he picks on my moustache so i shave it, he doesnt like my lips ect ect. He doesnt like anything about my face. Lately though, when we spend the night together he automatically assumes we're gunna have sex and if we dont he gets mad, not violent mad but he wont speak to me or cuddle me. I end up having sex with him just because he will hug me at night. He constantly upsets me and i pay for everything, if i get something like busicuits, he has to have something as well because he doesnt like them. If i go for a dress i end up spending the money on a shirt for him because "he never gets anything nice". He constantly make me out to be spoilt yet my family dont have any money and he has a job, i dont start my job for about a month yet. He will get about 35 pound a week for doing about 7 hours and yet he spends it all on crisps and never treats me, i dont expect like £100 dresses but a sandwich or pringles wouldnt be a bad present or even paying for his own bus fare instead of spending my families money that we cant really be forking out for. I will be starting work in about four weeks and i know we're gunna have a bust up because a.) i'll be around other males, not that anything would ever happen, but in his eyes, i'll be sleeping with them all and b.) because i wont be able to see him every day all day. It will be nice for me because i will have a little bit of freedom but i know the accusations will kill me. I wouldnt mind the seeing me everyday thing if it was because he wanted to, not because he's making sure i dont go off with another lad. We never go any where though, we just sit at my house where i just get madder and madder at his constant accusations and i cant get away. I know this is probably not much and i did bring it on myself by having a past and talking to his friends and dressing nice when im in a relationship, but i just wanted to see if this really is abuse or if im just depressed and its just effecting me more than it should : Some one please reply.. thank you for reading.. x
GlitterBug - 12/12/2011
ReplyI was sorry to hear that you've been suffering from emotional abuse. This type of abuse can include someone putting you down, or calling you nasty names, trying to control you and stopping you doing certain things or making you do things you don’t want to do. You should try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does; you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there. You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards. Alternatively you can call Women’s Aid on 0808 2000 247, or email them on helpline@womensaid.org.uk. I hope this helps.
I wish I could tell you that everything might change. But it won't darling. I feel like such a hypocrite writing that as I'm sat in my bedroom alone and crying - for exactly the reasons you have said, but I haven't left either. When you start work your fears will come true and you will be accused of everything under the sun. I am intelligent and worked hard at school and have always worked but my boyfriend doesn't. Every single day I am accused of something and hand on my heart in 3 years I have never cheated. If you have family around and any chance at all to leave this man in your past I beg you to gram it with both hands. Words are the cruelest weapons and sadly he will never run out of words. You are stronger than you think xxx
Louise - 14/12/2011
Of course that is abuse, please don't blame this on yourself being depressed or whatever, this is not your fault at all, he obviously has deep emotional problems and trust issues and that's his problem to deal with, so don't blame yourself. And your past shouldn't matter if he really loved you, a relationship is between two people, not two people and whatever they did in the past. It's obvious that he cannot change as a person as you have given him many chances, I'd break up with him if I were you (If you're still with him) and try not to talk to him again, as difficult as it may be, as he is obviously quite an abusive person and no one desevres to be treated like that. All the best x
Adam - 15/12/2011
A few years ago, the exact same thing happened to me, and i honestly can not believe its happened to someone else, even the thing about him doing the weights, my ex did the exact same thing to make 'me want him more' and there would be no reason for me to 'look at anyone else'. It would go from me not being able to see certain friends because they were so called 'slags' and would have me around other boys which i would 'clearly' cheat on him with... He was delusional, and he thought so many things i could hardly live my life. He stopped me from having friends, from wearing certain clothes, when i was 16 (i was 14 when i was with him and he was 15) i was going to be moving to york to go to a college, and i wasnt going to be allowed by him to go so he said. I couldnt do anything, i couldnt even write on MSN the way i wanted to, i had to speak properly because i wasnt 'thick" etc. Ive smoked from 13 to my age now but when i was with him i wasnt allowed to smoke, and if i did id get shouted at, pushed about, told i was killing myself, but he was glad.. He didnt understand why i wanted to smoke, why i said when i turned 18 we would go to town and go out, he never wanted to 'waste his life' drinking and me waste mine. I wasnt allowed boys numbers in my phone, my phone was read and if i didnt let him, it was because i was cheating. There was alot more to it, but i never go into detail about it. I had to speak to someone for a while after we broke up because i was so depressed and things had been drilled into my head i still carried on doing certain things, for example id get dressed then go downstairs and ask my mum if they were still suitable to wear. When the belt on the stomach trend came out, under neathe your boobs that was me drawing attention to them, so id never wear a belt or a low cut top, anything like that; so i always checked to see if my clothes were ok to wear and i didnt look 'disrespectful' etc. In the end aswell, to add to everything, he was the one that had cheated on me, more than once aswell, and it made me feel worthless and pointless and just let down, after hed made me THINK i loved him and he 'loved' me hed ruined my trust between everyone else. It makes me feel sick to this day that i let myself go through that, and i really dont want you to. I dont ever want anyone else to. You need to sotp it now, and realise you cant live your life like this, because it will effect your life in a few months/years. My boyfriend now who ive been with nearly a year understands what ive been through and why im still insecure but he loves me and he treats me like a princess, and its what you need. You need to get out of a relationship like that, because believe me when its all over, you'll be so relieved and happier, and its what you need. Dont let it go on for no longer. Dont ruin your trust with anyone else. Dont go through what ive had to now with my new partner the heartbreaking fact after nearly a year i still havent got 100% trust in him when i should have. Enjoy your life and DONT let someone like him ruin it. Hope ive helped x
Lauren - 21/12/2011
Gwen
23/12/2011
Hi. im 16 and have been going out with this boy since i was 14 but he is now 18. at first he was lovely and never pressured me into having sex or anything (which all my friends said he would) but it seemed as if he really loved me. my parents met him when i was 15 and although a bit wary they said he was a nice guy and were ok with it. we had sex when i was 15, and it was really special and he was very kind. we have been sexually involved since then and it all seemed liked a dream, i even went on holiday with him when i left school. but the other week i turned up at his house and there was another girl there and he had a video camara. he said he had paid for this girl and we were going to have sex and he was going to film it or he would leave me. i was really scared but i loved him so did it. then nothing was said until the other day when i turned up and and it was all the same the again. but she got quite violent. i found out yesterday that he was making these films and selling them for a quick bit of cash. i don't know what to do though as i love him and it was wonderful up until now. please tell me what to do, i don't want to go to the police.
Gwen - 23/12/2011
ReplyGwen, you should try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there. You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards. Alternatively you can call Women’s Aid on 0808 2000 247, or email them on helpline@womensaid.org.uk.
Hazel
21/12/2011
My 21 year old daughter verbally threatens me, when things get bad for her and if i defend myself, she threatens to hit me. I now cannot defend myself, for fear of being hit by her. She stands over me (is almost a foot taller than I am) and really shouts. It scares the hell out of me. i go into another room untill she has calmed down. afterwards, she hugs me and seems full of remorse and regret, saying she loves me and hates what has happened. This only happens about once every few weeks. Besides that, she is controlling and wants things her way most of the time. I blame myself sometimes, as I have brought her up alone and been far too soft with her, bailing her out of trouble financially (even though i'm not very well off) and also covering for her when she has skipped school, college or work. I told her after the latest episode, that i will not live like this anymore, Her boyfriend confined in me, that she has also struck him, when frustrated and upset about stuff. He says she obviously has anger issues. Well, if anyone need be angry about stuff, it should be me, but i know that you just can't go around lashing out at people! Help please, anyone? p.s. Nobody (except my daughter's boyfriend) knows about this, as i feel ashamed. :(
Hazel - 21/12/2011
ReplyHazel, Thanks for posting on the site. The campaign is aimed at 13-18 year olds but there are many specialist support services available for adults. Please call the National Domestic Violence helpline on 0808 2000 247 or log-on to Women's Aid's Survivors' Messageboard: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/page.asp?section=0001000100080021§ionTitle=Survivors+Forum. This forum is for women only and please note that it is not a helpline but a peer support messageboard. In an emergency please dial 999.
rupert
20/12/2011
my wife and are separated and my three children live with her. when her father and his second wife visit, they often threaten, intimidate and make fun of my children, especially the middle one. my children are scared and frightened. they are only 13, 8 amd 7 years of age. what can i do to protect them? it seems nothing as the law does not help fathers but appears to condone this sort of abusive behaviour.
rupert - 20/12/2011
ReplyRupert, thanks for posting on the site. The campaign is aimed at 13-18 year olds but there are support services available for your children. You can contact ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about your concerns or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Nicholas
20/12/2011
I know that the victim of abuse in a majority of the cases will be the girl. But I think it's important to point out that it is not always the case. Although they may be less likely to experience sexual or physical abuse for their partners guys are still as vulnerable to emotional and mental abuse. I once had a friend who was with this girl who he really thought he loved and he would do anything to try to make her happy. As his friends we saw his relationship from the outside and for what it really was. It was all well and good at first but after some time it just seemed to us like she was just using him, as long as she knew she could get him to do anything she was happy. He was unhappy but she didn’t care to know about it. Any time that he tried to talk to her about how he felt she would turn it around on him and make him feel like he was in the wrong and time after time we saw him have to apologise to her just to get her to talk to him again. All of her friends sided because she was only telling her side of the story, she made him seem abusive because: he had checked her phone because she had been subtly flirting a lot with another guy at a party and he was worried by this. He asked her to spend more time with him because she was always out with her friends. (she blew this way out of proportion). She also enjoyed generally humiliating him in front of her friends but “in a jokey way” so that he couldn’t be upset by it without her saying he was over reacting. We did try to tell him all of this but he loved her too much to believe us but in the end she he found out she had been cheating on him and my friend was devastated, depressed and felt worthless. It's NOT just women who suffer abuse and this website only seems to promoting the notion that they are. I really think it needs to be made more equal, or at least come across as more equal. Thank You.
Nicholas - 20/12/2011
ReplyMegan
19/12/2011
I moved in with my boyfriend and his parents about a month ago & in the last 2 weeks, he's been really moody and nasty. On Saturday night, I had his external hard drive plugged into my laptop because I was copying some stuff over and he unplugged it so I asked kindly for him not to and he went mental! He punched me, pulled me around by my hair, grabbed me multiple times, pushed me onto his sister's bed (I share a room with her) and pushed me to the floor. He only got off me as I grabbed his phone and called the Police. They said they ''couldn't do anything as it wasn't domestic violence''. I woke up yesterday with multiple bruises on my arms, legs and thighs and my boyfriend said he ''didn't care'' and ''there's nothing he can do about it so why keep going on about it'' ... He also punched me in the back as well and called me names like ''fat wh0re, ungrateful b!tch, scrubber, sl@g etc.'' Today he hasn't hit me because he's been away all day at work but since he's been home, he's been really nasty to me, been shouting at me for no reason and calling me horrible things. I just can't take any more. I can't move out as I have nowhere else to go and I'm only 16. Things are just as bad at my mum's house than they are here and I have no-one else I can stay with. I don't know what to do, I really don't! :'(
Megan - 19/12/2011
ReplyMegan, you should try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there. You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards. Alternatively you can call Women’s Aid on 0808 2000 247, or email them on helpline@womensaid.org.uk.
beth
17/12/2011
well, i am friends with this lad and he is 16 and he says loads of dirty things to me and we are not seeing each other but he says he loves me and he wants to have sex with me and i am only 13 years old and he knows that but he keeps saying "give us a bj" and stuff he says things like you would if you loved me and that i can trust him and im not sure what to do because he keeps saying that he wants to climb into a bed and have sex with me for hours and i dont know what to do because if i tell him i dont want to do stuff with him im afraid he might hurt me because he has a bad temper , i need some advise before anything serous happens ... please replyy xx
beth - 17/12/2011
ReplyBeth, from your comment it seems that you are suffering from emotional abuse which includes someone putting you down, or calling you nasty names, trying to control you and making you do things you don’t want to do. You should try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does, you have the right to be safe and help and support is out there. You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards. Alternatively you can call Women’s Aid on 0808 2000 247, or email them on helpline@womensaid.org.uk.